Burning Emotional Calories?

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The past two days have been a little bit of an emotional roller coaster. It all started on Tuesday night when I got worked up about something that I am not going to go into detail about but was able to talk it out with the fiance, which did make me feel better but still annoyed with myself. At least it was a step in the right direction for me because I am usually not confrontational and I will stew over something for WEEKS before finally exploding and after I have already personally driven my fiance to crazy-land. He does not appreciate that, but I have a lot of trouble talking about my feelings. Well once we got that squared away, we decided to watch Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close which I got from the RedBox. Well I never read the description of it very well or paid attention to the previews, because all I knew was it was a Sandra Bullock and a Tom Hanks film, and it had to do with autism. I quickly became aware that this was going to be a heart-wrenching story about an autistic child losing his father… and I fell apart. I have not really dealt with my feelings about my dad’s passing… I just do not know how. My mom fell instantly apart and I had to step up as the person who held it altogether. I felt like I needed to be this strong person, and I was going to annoy the crap out of everyone around me if I was sad and grieving… so I concentrated on joy and happiness. I dived head first into health and fitness. I was going to make my father proud. I was going to change my life so he could be smiling down.

Then in the movie there was a scene where the kid is really grasping the fact that his father is not around and nothing he does can bring him closer to his dad…The mom (Sandra Bullock) says “He is never coming back, and it doesn’t make sense. And you will never be able to make sense of it.” And those words just drove right into my heart. My dad is never coming back to me. I will never be able to pick up the phone and hear his voice. I will never again be able to see that gleam in his eyes when he is about to beat my ass at a card game. If I send an email to him, I will never get a response. And it doesn’t make any sense… he was always healthy. He hardly took sick days. Then one day, he started losing feeling to his legs… and then he could hardly walk. We discovered he had a brain tumor in the worse possible place in the brain: the motor strip. So they would not be able to operate… it was terminal. It was aggressive. And it happened so fast… so quickly he went down hill, so quickly he forgot how to talk, so quickly he couldn’t play any games…so quickly, I lost my hero, my best friend, my dad. It doesn’t make sense, and it never will. Doctors have yet to find a reason for this type of cancer, and they have not been able to find anything that really works against it…

So, needless to say, the movie and everything made me cry a lot on Tuesday night. I hadn’t cried that hard since I first found out he had passed away… and then all of yesterday, I was just in a fog and I was starving. I ate a lot of carbohydrates, and nothing could make that hunger disappear until I ate 2 decent sized portions of pasta last night. Ugh…

I was definitely expecting a gain on the scale today. I prepared myself for it.

But nope. Chuck Testa! I lost 8oz. Maybe emotions do weigh a little something, and I really needed to let it all out? I don’t know. It was a nice surprise to have not gained any weight.

Now on to some happier things, I made this really awesome Coconut Shrimp dish. I had it for dinner on Tuesday and lunch on Wednesday. It is really low calorie… Three pieces of shrimp is only 160 calories!

All you need is Shredded Coconut (you can get it in the Baking Aisle… at least here in Maine), Panko Crumbs (which is with the bread crumbs), an egg (you can also use egg beaters for a little bit more lower calories), flour, and a pound of uncooked shrimp (de-shell them). So all you do is mix the panko crumbs with the shredded coconut in a bowl. Take the shrimp and dip it in the flour, then the beaten egg, and then in the crumb mixture, put it on a baking tray…bake at 425 for 10 minutes, flip the shrimpies over, bake for an additional 6 minutes… and wha-la! Coconut Shrimp. I had it with some Spring Greens and a little bit of Balsamic Dressing for a total of 400 calories. Each meal (it makes 4 meals, if you share it with another person then it feeds both of you for two meals. :p) costs around $5.55. So it is pretty much on par with eating at Subway and cheaper than eating out at restaurants where you are likely to get high calorie meals. And it is delicious… I am a little sad that there is no more left!

Sorry for the emotional roller coaster of a post. Just got to have a few of those, right?

Happy Thursday, Everyone!

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8 thoughts on “Burning Emotional Calories?

  1. Wow, I can’t imagine having to cope with losing my father at this stage in my life, and you are even younger. I am encouraged my your strength in stepping up and being strong – but even more proud you are allowing yourself to feel those emotions and truly grieve. that is part of being healthy, too – letting yourself have emotions when you need to. *hugs*

    I read the book Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close a few years back when it first came out, but haven’t seen the movie yet. The book was heart-wrenching. Sounds like the movie was just as much of a tear jerker!

    • Thanks… it was a really devastating blow. He was the type of guy that everyone loved, and there is a big hole left behind in his absence. It just breaks my heart because he won’t be there to walk me down the aisle…and he was so excited to build a train set down stairs in the basement for his future grand-kids. There isn’t a day I don’t miss him, but I just try not to think about it to deeply or else I just cry…

      And the movie is soo sad. I had no idea it was a book, but I am almost glad I just watched the movie instead of reading the book. I don’t know why… but words are way more powerful to me than images. The movie was very well done, though!

    • It is delicious! And very versatile! Can be an appetizer made with a sort of fruit-like dip, or can be turned into a nice little dinner. =D

  2. Your post has me in tears. I lost my mom to brain cancer last February. She was my best friend, next door neighbor, everything to me. I did exactly what you did. Threw myself into every imaginable project, including fitness and still I don’t know what to do with myself. The pain of losing a parent you love more than anything is unimaginable. I still wake up sometimes and think she’s next door, and when I realize she’s not, my heart breaks all over again. Thank you for sharing this. Sometimes I feel so alone in this, like everyone else has moved on and that’s all they want me to do too, but I just can’t. I am so sorry for you loss. My heart really goes out to you.

    • I had no idea this would really relate to someone else…I debated whether or not to even write this post, but it is such a big part of me and one of the main reasons I even started to get healthy. I am so sorry for your loss… Everyone talks about the pain a parent feels when they lose a child, but I think it hurts just as much when a child loses a parent way before their time. My dad passed away in October, and once I get sick of eating all the time and feeling really crappy, I just threw myself into getting healthy and fit. He was really concerned about my weight, and some days I get so mad at myself that I didn’t do something about it sooner. I definitely understand..Hugs to you. =(

  3. I’m glad you had those moments. With the fiance, talking will always help. Bottling up will help no one, nor will it help the relationship!

    And the cry is very healthy. I’m glad you had it! You ignore or suppress these things, they happen to everyone eventually, but it’s how you deal with it that can really effect you. It takes time and will hurt, but as long as you’re feeling something that’s okay!

    • Thanks! And yeah I am starting to learn that communication is probably a big deal when being with another person…haha It only took 3 years! But it is progress.

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