Self-Bullying

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There are lots of resources coming to light when it comes to bullying, which is absolutely awesome! It is terrible to think of the lives lost because a person was bullied at school, in the work place, in the family… Bullying is pretty much everywhere including inside our own minds. How many times have you looked at yourself in the mirror and were absolutely disgusted by what you saw? Your lips curl into a sort of snarl and you hiss at yourself,  “You are so lazy. Look how fat you look. Your hair is absolutely hideous,” etc, etc. Once your self-esteem is rock bottom, you finally leave the mirror and go eat your feels with a bowl of ice cream, feeling guilty and icky with each bite. The emotional bullying never ceases. I know I used to do this a lot to myself. I was always putting myself down. Maybe I thought if I beat myself up, if other people said anything, it would not matter. Except other people never said anything, but I still believed everything I was telling to myself. So I felt guilty every time I ate (because at that time I wasn’t making particularly good choices because I just wanted quick and high calorie choices because they tasted oh-so-good and made me feel better for all of 10 seconds). It was a really bad cycle, and one I still occasionally fall into.

You have to love yourself. I am not saying love yourself and not make changes to become healthier. But you have to allow yourself some release without being so hard on yourself. Life is always going to be presenting obstacles. There is no “when I am at this weight, I can eat whatever I want” because you will always have to watch what you eat… but that does not mean you do not have days when you can indulge — just a little bit. It is a lesson that I am still trying to learn, but one that I helped me enjoy my vacation a little bit more. Instead of hating myself for every bad choice I made (and I made a few!), I just let it go. I worked really hard to lose 45 pounds before vacation, and because I had lost all that weight, I was able to do a lot more on that vacation. I was still active enough that the food I ate did not really upset the balance. That in itself is a huge victory and it made me feel good.

I was able to enjoy all the rides without feeling squished in. One ride, The Mummy at Universal Studios, had a place where you had to see if you would be able to even fit in the seats. If I had been just 10 pounds heavier, I wouldn’t have been able to go on. Just 10 pounds heavier! Because I was willing to take time for myself and work hard, I did not miss out on any opportunities because of my weight. That is something to be proud of. I have come a long way, and sure, I still have a lot more weight to lose… but I am moving in the right direction and that is what really counts.

Self-bullying I think is just as bad as any other bullying – especially because you cannot escape from it. That voice is constantly in your mind, pushing you down, and making you feel terrible about yourself. You have the power to change this voice by just changing your perspective. If something you do makes you feel guilty every time you do it, then it probably is something that needs to be changed so you start feeling good about your actions. You are a wonderful person. You do have good qualities. Don’t be afraid to let those shine! It is amazing how things in your life start changing positively as soon as you let yourself open to positive things.

I think everything in your life reflects yourself in someway. Your home, your car, your friends, your family, your loved ones, your body… they all reflect what kind of life you lead. It is amazing how much more happier things around you seem when you yourself are feeling happy and energetic, but the same when you are feeling terrible or sad. I know when I am in a terrible place… my living space is dirty because I do not have the energy to clean it, my friends don’t hang around because I do not allow myself to reach out and be social, there is tension among family and loved ones… but when you are happier with yourself, the things around you reflect that as well. I know there are some cases where a person can seem happy, but everything around them really would not imply that… but I am sure there is an underlying unhappiness somewhere.

So stop beating yourself up all the time. You know when something is bad for you. If you do it, then you live with the consequences and do better next time. Unless you are causing serious harm to another person or yourself, I wouldn’t feel too guilty about it. Live your life a little bit. Have an extra drink occasionally, especially if you are out being social and having fun. Just keep making healthy choices to balance out the bad ones.

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5 thoughts on “Self-Bullying

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