When I was severely overweight, I turned down a lot of things. I did not enjoy hanging out, going out in public, hanging out at the barn, anything that required being social or the chance of running into people I might know… I spent a lot of time on the couch, eating my feelings, and feeling anxious and depressed all the time. I was very paranoid about what people thought of me because I could not see why anyone would actually want to be my friend. To myself, I was just a fat, lazy person. I really did not like the girl that I had become. I was terrified of everything, and I missed out on a lot of opportunities because of it. Deep down, I have always been a girl with her eye on adventure. I love going to new places and meeting new people — though I am still deathly shy, I am coming out of my shell a lot more. I am becoming the girl who can do things instead of the girl who avoids all things.
This was actually my biggest motivation to lose weight. You need something personal, something that stabs at your emotions, to successfully lose weight for a long period of time. The power to fit into your old pair of jeans will only take you so far and it is very likely you are going to end up trying to fit back into those pair of jeans again. You need something that sets you on fire and makes you fight for every pound. You need passion, a good attitude, and hope. I knew this time I was going to actually lose the weight for good. This time felt a lot different than all the other times I tried to lose weight… because I did not want to do it to look good, I wanted to do it so I no longer had any regrets. I wanted to change from that girl who turned down invitations to go out and have fun and ended up just sitting in front of the TV all night, to becoming the girl who instantly jumped at the chances to be social. My social calendar has never been fuller, and it is one of the best feelings in the world.
Losing weight has never been about just losing weight to me. It has been about changing my whole entire life. I was tired of feeling out of place in my own body and having such low confidence. It got to the point that I hardly even smiled because I was so busy concentrating on how gross I felt. Since exercising and eating healthy, everyone has commented on how much happier I have become. Even with all my outside stresses, it doesn’t bog me down enough to stop having fun.
This year, I do not want any regrets. I will not regret not hitting my goals exactly. I have lost 53 pounds and it is only half-way through the year. There is still plenty of time left in the year to keep losing weight and reaching new adjusted goals. I should not put myself down when I have come so far.
I am proud of the person I am becoming. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well.