Must Fulfill These Requirements:
- Exercise Daily
- Eat Healthy All the Time (to the point you are almost obnoxious. I will be saying you are obnoxious because hey you will be my nemesis).
- Some Horseback riding skills (though not necessary, it would be nice if you at least had the confidence of an awesome horseback rider because I will probably believe you if you can use the right terminology and stuff).
- Also planning to lose a crap load of weight
- And seems to do it effortlessly
- Male or Female, gender does not matter
- Neither does age
- You will be agreeing to hating my guts as well as me hating yours, but are able to mask this hatred with sarcastic friendship.
The reason? For motivation, biznatches. I feel like Superheroes are only so freakin’ awesome because they have their arch nemesis to go up against ALL THE TIME. I am sure they would be lazy bums if they didn’t have that one person they absolutely despised. I also think it is just because they are secretly jealous of one another. I am sure the evil person wants to be
loved worshiped, and I am sure the superhero just wants to cut loose occasionally and suck down on some Jack Daniels. I mean what would the Avengers movie have been like if there was no Loki? Oh wait, there probably wouldn’t be an awesome movie. Wait, scratch that… there wouldn’t be a movie whatsoever. Because Loki is awesome. And the Avengers are awesome in the fact they come together to kick his ass.
And that is why I need a nemesis to launch my status to superhuman awesome instead of just awesome. Best part is, it works both ways. How is that not the best motivation in the whole wide world? Wanting to show up another person? To be like “HA, I did it before you did!”
Which is something I just really want in my life and feel like it is lacking. Everyone’s just too supportive (not that I don’t love it) but I really need that heckler to be like “Yeah, well while you were lazy and just lost one pound this week, I lost 2” and then I will seethe with rage and kick ass the following week so I can be like “Well take that, I lost 4! Whatcha gonna do now?”
If you are going to be whiny all the time, do not apply. I can take occasional sad monologues, but I really don’t want to feel sorry for you all the time because it makes it really hard to keep the nemesis relationship in tact. I will just want to hug you and squeeze you and feed you cake (which actually maybe wouldn’t be a bad idea if we are weight loss nemeses… Hmm. Never mind then I take that back… be whiny, but expect lots of cake!).
Also, our theme song will be “Nemeses” by Jonathon Coulton. Look it up. I would post a youtube video… but youtube hates me right now? I don’t know what I did to it, but none of the songs are working for me. So you are on your own there. But you should know it by heart if we plan on being the worst enemies of all time. (EDIT: Made this easy for you and found the gosh darn song. Sheesh. Happy?!)
So what do you say?
Are you looking for an arch nemesis in your life? I promise to motivate the crap out of you.