Wanted: Nemesis


Must Fulfill These Requirements:

  • Exercise Daily
  • Eat Healthy All the Time (to the point you are almost obnoxious. I will be saying you are obnoxious because hey you will be my nemesis).
  • Some Horseback riding skills (though not necessary, it would be nice if you at least had the confidence of an awesome horseback rider because I will probably believe you if you can use the right terminology and stuff).
  • Also planning to lose a crap load of weight
  • And seems to do it effortlessly
  • Male or Female, gender does not matter
  • Neither does age
  • You will be agreeing to hating my guts as well as me hating yours, but are able to mask this hatred with sarcastic friendship.

The reason? For motivation, biznatches. I feel like Superheroes are only so freakin’ awesome because they have their arch nemesis to go up against ALL THE TIME. I am sure they would be lazy bums if they didn’t have that one person they absolutely despised. I also think it is just because they are secretly jealous of one another. I am sure the evil person wants to be loved worshiped, and I am sure the superhero just wants to cut loose occasionally and suck down on some Jack Daniels. I mean what would the Avengers movie have been like if there was no Loki? Oh wait, there probably wouldn’t be an awesome movie. Wait, scratch that… there wouldn’t be a movie whatsoever. Because Loki is awesome. And the Avengers are awesome in the fact they come together to kick his ass.

And that is why I need a nemesis to launch my status to superhuman awesome instead of just awesome. Best part is, it works both ways. How is that not the best motivation in the whole wide world? Wanting to show up another person? To be like “HA, I did it before you did!”

Which is something I just really want in my life and feel like it is lacking. Everyone’s just too supportive (not that I don’t love it) but I really need that heckler to be like “Yeah, well while you were lazy and just lost one pound this week, I lost 2” and then I will seethe with rage and kick ass the following week so I can be like “Well take that, I lost 4! Whatcha gonna do now?”

If you are going to be whiny all the time, do not apply. I can take occasional sad monologues, but I really don’t want to feel sorry for you all the time because it makes it really hard to keep the nemesis relationship in tact. I will just want to hug you and squeeze you and feed you cake (which actually maybe wouldn’t be a bad idea if we are weight loss nemeses… Hmm. Never mind then I take that back… be whiny, but expect lots of cake!).

Also, our theme song will be “Nemeses” by Jonathon Coulton. Look it up. I would post a youtube video… but youtube hates me right now? I don’t know what I did to it, but none of the songs are working for me. So you are on your own there. But you should know it by heart if we plan on being the worst enemies of all time. (EDIT: Made this easy for you and found the gosh darn song. Sheesh. Happy?!)

So what do you say?

Are you looking for an arch nemesis in your life? I promise to motivate the crap out of you.

Just to leave you on a happy note πŸ˜‰


14 thoughts on “Wanted: Nemesis

  1. Aw I definitely don’t meet the criteria – Not losing weight, no horseback riding, and I tend to eat too many sweets on the weekends. I’m always looking for more motivation but oh well. Hey, for exercise do you have an Android or iPhone? There’s an app called Nexercise that seriously has some great competition, and you get points and little badge awards for how much you work out. You can make friends with people who work out and then compare your exercise stats to theirs.

  2. This post is freaking awesome. Totally made my day. I wish I didn’t eat sweets so much, otherwise I would want to do it with you! I’m also completely stupid about horses since I’m allergic. Boo. 😦

    • haha God I wish I could eat sweets ALL the time… but I am pretty much down to having sweets once a week. Which is TOUGH. Oh my Lordy. I miss ice cream in the summer. I really do. But when I do get sweets, it tastes like A MILLION TIMES better because I rarely have it. So I guess that works.

      And BUMMER. Being allergic to horses would probably kill me because I just cannot resist their cute faces.

  3. Well, if you were willing to take me on conditionally, I bet that I’d get better at eating well and working out daily just to kick your butt. πŸ˜‰ Then again… I’m much too nice, so I guess that wouldn’t work. Dang. 😦

    • Oh no! Need to work on that niceness! Need to become an animal with weight loss! haha I am willing to do a short term nemesis training program…

  4. I TOTALLY LOVE THIS! I meet most of the qualifications AND I trained with the most evil person on the planet for a couple years, so I think I could do it! Though I do like to think I am pretty nice…so I don’t know! What do you think!?

    • LOL this is pretty true… and it doesn’t have to mean you are a mean person… :p Because sometimes in these sort of relationships, there is no good guy, bad guy… but just that one person you are always competing with. :p I mean usually in Disney movies they make friends at the end!

  5. LOL!!! I like πŸ™‚

    Can’t help you out much but if you want a weight-losing Nemesis, I’d be happy to oblige – my profile on MyFitnessPal is rbartlett9671 if you want to “friend” me – sounds slightly obscene but you know what I mean LOL

    I’ll only accept if I can laugh maniacally, like this MWAH HA HA HA whenever I tell you I’m losing about half a pound a day πŸ˜€

  6. sorry! been behind in my commenting & blogging due to a vacation weekend! Love your post. A little competition never hurts! You should check out nerdfitness.com – they have really active forums and they do some challenges that you can participate in as well and talk trash πŸ™‚ Might be your thing!

    I’ve only ridden horseback like once in my life, and my journey has been anything but effortless – so i think i’m out on being your arch nemesis, but I am happy to keep challenging you or motivating you every now and again!!! πŸ™‚

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