Fear. I used to live in your shadows and cower at the slightest hint of you growing bigger. You had me kneeling on the ground and giving in before I even attempted at trying something. You took control of my life in every aspect. I was always wired and thinking of the worse case scenario at every turn. Then something changed between you and me… I got stronger and the shadow you cast over me got a little smaller. My confidence grew as I lost weight and took control of my life, and that also meant taking control of you. Fear, you held me back from so many things but no longer. Every step I take in changing my life a little more positively is a step further away from you.
This year has been amazing when attempting things I normally would not have. Taking control of my weight has allowed me to take control of a lot of other things in my life. My fear has been one of the biggest accomplishments. It is still there but now it is just a little lurch in my stomach before I decide that I am capable of doing whatever I am afraid of.
Today I proved that by going bareback riding for the very first time. That means no saddle, no pad, just me and my horse. This was her first time ever being ridden this way… and I haven’t ridden bareback for ages because I have always been so afraid. It feels awesome to be able to just do it. I was a little worried but Daisy and I quickly got into our own rhythm.
Sometimes I cannot believe who I am. I am not the same person I was last year. I am a person who is strong and willing to take on challenges, and it is a beautiful feeling.