So some of you may be here because a wonderful little birdie whispered something in your ear that I am awesome. Ok, she is not a birdie… more like an awesome blogging friend. Like we are so much on the same wave length it’s kind of weird. We both are losing weight and kicking ass. We are both seeking higher education to become dietitians. We are both married… I mean where will the similarities end?! If you do not who the heck I am talking about, then you need to march your butt on over to Trying Not to be Fat. I can’t make it anymore easier for you. Just click and read. She takes pictures of all her awesome amazing meals, which I don’t… so I guess the similarities are started to come crashing down. She’s real. Not a robot. Not one of those weight loss gurus that know everything and make you feel like you are doing EVERYTHING wrong (which we all know… I NEVER do… The brainwashing corgi from the previous post should be working. So I don’t want to see any comments going “Ahem, Cassy, you suck. You do act like a weight loss guru ALL the time”. No. None of that. We are ending this conversation……. Now). Where were we? Oh right. L is fantastic (not the letter, the person… just to clarify. Though L is a fantastic letter in the alphabet… it’s part of the LMNOP part that you say really fast. Just rolls off the tongue).
To introduce you to my
madness awesomeness, I have prepared a presentation on positive thinking for you. And by prepared, I mean I am making up some complete bullshit right on the spot.
Positive thinking has been a crucial part of my journey to taking over
the world, blogosphere, my life. Before, I was just sort of a backseat driver, always nagging myself on what to do and then not doing it because don’t you just love to piss off backseat drivers? Or at least scare the crap out of them? I would be chowing down on hamburgers and french fries all the while backseat me was like “NOOOO, don’t do it! YOU ARE KILLING US”. Nothing positive there. It took awhile for it to occur to me that… I could get into the front seat and fucking drive myself. Not off a cliff like I was originally planning… but I could Bruce Willis the shit out of my fat self and take control to become the confident person I always wanted to be.
First, you have to believe you can do it. You didn’t see Batman throwing a fit and having a tantrum when he planned to build an entire underground lair did you? And I am sure that was a bitch to do. I mean a lot of planning goes into figuring out waterfalls that you can drive out of and secret doors, and floors the go up and down… and it is freaking awesome. And it started out as a WELL with some water. Anyway, you have to envision perfection. You have to see yourself turning down the freaking donuts that mister or misses-don’t-gain-a-pound or doesn’t-care-if-they-gain-weight bring into the offices. Do not be freak out and panic about the possibility of donuts. Just know you can turn them down. See yourself smiling and going “No Thank you. I had a filling breakfast.” And go back to work. I don’t care if you drool. I do it all the time. In fact, I am drooling about these imaginary donuts right now. Mostly because I am just hungry and will probably be eating a veggie burger here shortly.
Best part is… it works. For everything. Not just weight loss, but all aspects of your life. From dating, to horse back riding (come on guys, you knew that was coming), to taking over the world. If you envision yourself doing it, you will make steps to accomplish it. Also it boosts confidence and what not when you picture yourself doing things well. You will screw up sometimes, yes. That is why evil villains get caught. Because they never kill who they are supposed to kill when they should kill them. True story.
Positive Thinking also leads to Happy Thinking… and Happy Thinking leads to people liking you… and when you have an army of people liking you, it’s really hard to be defeated. On the other hand, if you have lots of Negative Thoughts and attract sadness and pity, those people are less likely to defend and conquer in your name… but they may throw you a party. Full of…that’s right… sadness and pity. Oh the options of our every day life.
So here is a little summary of what positive thinking has done for me:
1. Kept me motivated to buy my own horse
2. Train said horse to be awesome (in case of zombie attacks, she is a great and speedy ‘get away from things fast’ pony).
3. Got me a Spouse who supports my positive doings.
4. Helped me lose 60+ pounds, and still losing.
5. Broke my addiction of caffeine. Been… I can’t remember the last time I have had coffee. Which is crazy. I used to have it every morning.
And it’s been even longer since I have had soda.
6. I can go weeks at a time without processed sugar and junk food.
7. Has helped me blog and meet amazing people that make me work hard to be as cool as they are. Seriously. How are you all so awesome? Why cannot I write like YOU?! Yeah YOU. I see you. Looking all smug with your awesome photos and humorous blog posts. Some day. Some day I will have my moment in the sun.
7 seems like a good place to end it so that’s that. My little posty-post on positive thinking and world domination. Stand by me and you just may survive this journey.
Because with awesomeness comes great responsibility of more awesomeness.