A lot of people want to be thin. To not have to worry about walking into a store and not having anything fit. To catch the eye of passer-bys as you flaunt your stuff down the street. It’s a beautiful image, isn’t it? But what I am saying is more than just being skinny, it also involves a certain confidence. A confidence that comes from not only being skinny but from a whole mental over-haul. Sorry girlfriend (or dude), you aren’t going to get thin or be thin for long with that attitude. Skinny doesn’t happen to those who only want that the most. Skinny is not strong enough to combat muffins, ice cream sundaes, and giant 3/4 pounder burgers. Skinny is actually a super bitch (excuse my language but it’s true). Not only is she not strong enough to combat those evil cravings, she will make you feel guilty about eating it. “Why didn’t you stop me?” She will yell into your face, “Why aren’t you strong enough?” And then Skinny will storm off and you will find yourself surrounded by empty ice cream tubs and cookie crumbs and an empty hole in your soul where there used to be purpose. Whatever weight you had managed to burn off to become Skinny will slowly find their way back and the cycle will continue over and over again.
Stop. Take a deep breath. And seriously look at what you are doing to yourself. Is this the type of person you want to be? Would you wish this sort of cycle on somebody else? Would you insult a person who was struggling with their weight? No. So don’t insult yourself either when you take a few steps backwards. Stop and look at the person you have become.
I’ve been there. I have gone down the path of self-loathing and yo-yoing dieting. I would lose 10 pounds and put on 20. I would push myself to the point of starvation and then eat everything in sight. My lack of confidence showed in everything I did. I was not a person who took pride in any accomplishment and would rather wear sweatpants all day and chow down on Chinese food and never have to leave the apartment. I have spent far too many days of my youth being trapped by my fat and lack of faith in myself. I got to the point where I just wanted to be me instead of just a shell of me. I wanted to be proud of myself and know I could live a healthy life full of adventure. I wanted to go hiking, swimming, biking, running, dancing, etc. Unfortunately when you weigh over 100 pounds your healthy weight, doing all those activities are really hard to do. If I wanted to have those adventures and live an active life, I was going to have to lose weight first.
Becoming skinny was not my first priority. Being healthy is. I looked up a lot of information on calories (I was definitely not going to be starving myself and going down that road again! It sucked), nutrition (carbohydrates are a friend, just like protein and fat), and exercise. I found out to lose weight, you have to eat. If you eat way too little, your body will hold on to that food for as long as you can meaning you won’t be losing any weight any time fast. Water is also amazing. Processed Foods are made of chemicals that your body is not sure how to process and should be avoided. It would be like taking a car and shoving vegetable oil into the gas tank and hoping it will run. Your body works the same way. If you aren’t willing to destroy an expensive car, why are you willing to destroy the only body you get in life?
You don’t have to live your life full of ups and downs and self-hate. You do have to be able to open up and talk about it though. Making silent promises to yourself in the middle of the not, binging on cookies, is not going to cut it. Tell everyone. I tell everyone about the fact that I am getting healthy because I am proud of it. I don’t wear it as a badge of shame. I don’t think of myself as the terribly gross fat girl who HAD to lose weight. I didn’t have to do anything. I did it because I wanted to be happy and healthy. I did it because I wanted to take control of my life and my body was a reflection of how out of control my life truly was. At any given point, you have the power to change.
So stop whining all the time about wanting to be skinny. You don’t want to be skinny. She is weak and bitchy and will leave you the second you fall on your face. Be healthy and awesome. Both will understand when you have an occasional slide or the scale is not budging. They understand you are trying to make a difference in your life. Skinny just complains about the fact that you have to work so much to make it to the destination. She’s not fun to hang around with.
Nothing worth having comes without some sort of fight. If you are willing to put in the work, there is nothing that can stop you from having everything. There will always be drawbacks, but if you don’t see those drawbacks as things that will make you stronger, then you aren’t ready to go on the journey. Have fun sitting on the couch and complaining about how you want to be skinny. If you are ready to fail, get bloody, dirty, sweaty, learn from your mistakes, and have an adventure, then you are ready for the wonderful journey of becoming awesome.