I’m Not Crazy – Ask My Therapist

9 Comments

I completely understand why some people absolutely refuse to change. Changing is one of the hardest things you ever have to do. It is so easy just to get into a rut that is comfortable to you (even when it is actually totally bad for you and you don’t feel good about it) and not do anything about it. People become overwhelmed by the task at hand and with added low-esteem, the task seems impossible. I have been there. I have sat where you are sitting right now. Wondering if I can do it. Wondering if I could become awesome. Wondering if I was even worth it. Those who have followed my blog for awhile know that I struggle with depression, self-worth, and anger and I still struggle with it today. Depression is one of those things that never truly goes away and kind of lingers at the back of your mind, always. It waits for that moment of weakness and strikes, latching onto a phrase or feeling. It drags you down if you aren’t ready to claw yourself away from it. Depression is a beast. A monster that lurks in the shadows. And I totally get it when people do try to make changes and find that they just can’t make a difference and get absolutely frustrated. It’s like an additional slap in the face to already being in a crappy situation and now you can’t even lose weight, get a job, find your soul mate… whatever the heck you are trying to accomplish. It sucks. It is so easy to stop and say “That’s it. I am doomed to live a life of horribleness,” and go hide under your bed for the rest of your life, praying the world gets taken over by zombies and you don’t have to deal with anyone anymore.

But it does not have to be that way. Absolutely not. One of the biggest steps you can take is realizing you are in over your head. Life is hard. Seriously hard. You have to do so much to get by. You have to pay bills, feed yourself (and others in some cases), make sure you have shelter, try to have a social life, be healthy, be clean, etc. Sometimes it is even way more than that. Of course some of those things are not absolute requirements but they definitely help in achieving a life of happiness. The best part of knowing when you are in over your head, though, is that you can reach out your hand and ask for your help. This does not make you weak. It does not make you any less of a person. If money is a problem, a lot of places offer assistance. Call them up and see what they can do. Even a help line is better than nothing. Do not be afraid of reaching out. No one is going to tell you that your problems are small or insignificant. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed and ready to pull out your hair, then the problem needs to be addressed.
Like I mentioned before, I struggle with depression. I carried it around with me for a very long time. I look back and all I can remember is cloudiness of moments. Nothing concrete and happy. When I told my therapist now, she looked ready to smack me (Ok, not really. But she kind of looked at me in disbelief). She asked me why I didn’t get help and reminded me that depression is just a hormone imbalance. That’s it. Nothing more. Your brain is just an organ and when it doesn’t receive the right chemicals, it doesn’t work up to par. It’s nothing you are doing wrong as a person — you just may need something to supplement a hormone just like you may take a vitamin to supplement your diet. Mind = blown. That totally made sense. It wasn’t that my life sucked but the hormone that gave me those happy feelings that would make challenges seem approachable were just really low. No wonder why getting out of bed seemed like going to war. There wasn’t much in my brain to give me feelings of accomplishment.  So when you are feeling miserable and down on yourself, know that you do not need to feel that way, yes it is normal, and you can be helped. There is absolutely no reason why you should not be happy in your life. You do not deserve punishment. You do not deserve to feel ugly. You do not deserve to feel worthless. You deserve everything your heart desires. If you want to be a princess, then be a princess. Go into situations with the confidence and grace of Royalty. No one can tell you, you can’t. You’re a freakin’ princess. If you want to take over the world, go ahead. It’s really hard to do. I’m still trying… but maybe someday! You do not deserve to be unhappy but it does involve you asking for help. You can manage on your own for awhile, but sometimes you just have to give in and reach out.

So far, therapy has really helped me to focus. I have my anger a little more in check than I used to. I am not ready to explode if someone just looks at me the wrong way. My thoughts are clearing up so I can see what I truly want out of life. My thoughts are not  just floating around and going crazy all the time like a jumpy castle in my mind.  No matter what problem you are going through in life, having an outside perspective is a priceless resource. They can help you see things in a completely different light. Also, even if you have had a bad experience with therapy, try a different one. Find someone who works with you. You are not forced to be stuck with one therapist for the rest of your life. If you do not feel comfortable pouring out your soul, move on. Yes, it is that easy.

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “I’m Not Crazy – Ask My Therapist

  1. Gosh, you’ve had such amazing posts lately. I love what you said about not having to be at war with yourself. Everyone deserves to be happy, but we all need to take different journeys to get there. I’m so happy for you that you were able to find someone to talk to and put things into perspective for you.

    • Yeah but now I am finally running out of things to talk about. haha And yeah we all need to take different journeys, but sometimes people make it way harder than it has to be..

  2. I think that’s a very honest and brave post and I applaud you for it… you never struck me as someone who might suffer from depression – you’ve always been so bright and upbeat 🙂 But then, I’ve always said that you can never tell… I know for a fact it can be hidden, if you try hard enough, and the people around you will have no clue.

    Anyway, nicely said 🙂

  3. Thanks for sharing this. I especially relate to this:

    “Also, even if you have had a bad experience with therapy, try a different one. Find someone who works with you. You are not forced to be stuck with one therapist for the rest of your life.”

    I wish someone had told me that a long time ago, because once I figured it out, it changed my life, and that is not hyperbole. I was working with a therapist and in a style of therapy that just wasn’t right for me, and all I could think was that I was doing something wrong (stupid Depression Brain). I only eventually switched when I hit a seriously dysfunctional, rock bottom point of my life. I wish that someone had given me your little tidbit of advice before I got there. I’m really glad you’re letting people know, because I’m sure there’s someone out there who could really benefit from being reminded of it.

    • At least you did figure it out eventually! You definitely deserve to be comfortable with the person you are pouring your guts out too. I felt perfectly at ease with my current therapist when she told me that I could leave at any time and that would set me up with a better fit if I ever felt uncomfortable. She’s been such a huge help!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s