One Year Ago…

15 Comments

On this day, I lost my hero. My dad was an incredible guy that instilled a lot good life lessons into my heart. I really wish I could show him how much I have changed in the past year since he has escaped his suffering from brain cancer. Instead of being drowned by grief, I decided to take action. My dad is the reason I have lost over 70 pounds in a year. I have said yes to more opportunities and been less afraid of just being who I am. Life is far too short to limit yourself by your weight and actions. I know right now my dad would be very proud of me. I went through with the surgery and have been keeping my spirits fairly high. I have come to terms with the fact that I am in control of my life and I have the power to do what I want regardless of what people think. That was always one of those conversations we struggled with a lot…I was strongly insecure through middle school/high school/most of college… and he always kept telling me the same exact thing: “Do what your heart says. I know you will do the right thing.” And for the most part, I normally did do the right thing but it was always such a huge moral conflict that would leave me feeling guilty and worried for at least a week. I still sometimes seek outside assurance but I am getting a lot better about it.

Surprisingly, I am not as sad today as I thought I was going to be. My dad was in a lot of pain, and it was really breaking my heart to see him hold on as long as he did. I know he is watching out for me now (which I know some people might seem is a little crazy, but it is just something I believe). It feels nice to know that you have someone special watching out for you. It is the reason I wasn’t quite so freaked out going under the knife in surgery, and also the reason I felt safe while going on a 17 hour road trip. It helps me get through without having a total mental break down.

Today was also the follow up appointment for my surgery, and it was a very good appointment. We took x-rays today, and it is such a huge difference from what it was before! The surgery went perfectly! Everything was aligned as it should be and there is no permanent nerve damage! Boo yah! Awesome news. After the appointment, I made my jaw surgery public… meaning I went to a coffee house and drank out of a syringe which got a lot of odd looks. I say that makes for a pretty awesome day.

Also my husband got us new computers! For gaming! He rocks! So this weekend we are going to have a gaming marathon playing Guild Wars 2!  Whoo! I am really starting to make you guys jealous, right? Ooops.

In other news, I need to update my goals and also get back into the routine of taking pictures! So that will be my goal tomorrow morning!

 

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15 thoughts on “One Year Ago…

  1. It’s so hard, but it sounds like you’re doing an amazing job. I know for me, the first year passed in a grief-filled blur, and the second year was a time that I was able to slow down and really take stock of how much my life had changed. You’ve had to deal with SO much in the past year, and you’re right, you’re totally rocking it all. Good for you.

    • At first, I really did not have time to let grief in because I kind of had to step up to the plate and take care of my mom, and just make sure the whole entire family did not explode into chaos. And sometimes I get hit really hard with an overwhelming sadness because I remember something he said, or I did something that I really want to share with him… and it sucks knowing I can’t call him up on the phone or send him an email… but I kind of had the chance to let go a little each day while he was suffering. Towards the end, you hate to lose who they were, but you really can’t take seeing them in so much pain. That was breaking my heart a lot more every day.

  2. It must be hard, losing someone you love so much, but I think you have learned the lesson his death had to teach you, right? Those situations are our best teachers, Cass!

    It is so amazing how much you have set yourself to change, I’m sure your dad is proud of you every single day 🙂

    • It is so hard to lose someone you love. There are moments where I wish I could be talking to him, sharing an experience, listening to his stories. I really love the person I am becoming, and I hate the fact that I cannot see his reaction to who I am.

  3. Your dad must be so proud of all you have accomplished over the last year. He will always be with you and I’m sure he’s helping you along this journey as best he can. I can’t imagine how hard it has been the past year but I know he will always be with you.

    • Thanks so much. I definitely know he would be smiling down at me right now! It has been a very interesting year full of a lot of ups and downs… but by changing my perspective, I see this year as a very positive one regardless of the sadness… and I know he would be super proud of that.

  4. It seems like 20 years ago, sweetie. I am extremely proud of what you’ve accomplished on so many levels, these past few years – especially this last year. I am proud to be your husband and look forward to our awesome life together for decades, and beyond.

    Your Father WAS and IS a great man. He’s watching over you, helping you in little ways beyond our comprehension. I miss him, too, but am glad to have met him.

    • I know this feels like a long year, and a short year, all at the same time. I am proud to have you as a husband as well! We are going to rock this life! =D

      And I am so glad you got to meet my Dad too. He’s amazing. No words can really grasp just how awesome he is.

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