If you are in a relationship currently because you are afraid of being alone, then please don’t read any further. You can’t force yourself to love somebody just because you don’t want to be alone. So if you ever catch yourself thinking “Wow, I really don’t get along with this person, but I also don’t want to be alone, so I guess I will stay,” you’re in a relationship you really need to get out of and you need to start working on caring for yourself. Come on, get some self-respect. Love does not grow between two people because you need another person to build you up. Love grows between two people who are first comfortable with themselves and have found a person that appreciates them for that.
I have seen people get caught up in their own lives in a relationship that they forget to keep the love alive. Love should come naturally, but at the same time, does require some effort. If you end up doing the same routine all the time, you may find that spark slowly starting to fade. Remember like an exercise routine, you need to mix it up, or else you find yourself crashing into some plateaus.
You also do not have to do much! You don’t have to catch falling stars for the other person. You just have to do small things every single day. Little reminders for that other person that you are thinking of them. The thing is… you shouldn’t be afraid to speak up around it either. It took me awhile when I first started dating my husband that he was not a mind reader. I know, right? Aren’t soul mates supposed to just know exactly what you want, when you want it? Only in books. Where one person has a supernatural gift. And that gift is mind reading, does that happen. I mean sure, we can finish each other’s sentences and he knows the word I am looking for even when I am being extremely vague. But if you have a particular need that you want met, you are going to have to speak up about it. If you are thinking, “Wow, it has been awhile since we have gone out on a date,” instead of just waiting around for the husband to bring it up (because you think that would be super romantic if spur of the moment asked you out), you should just tell him. Or else you are going to end up resenting him for not reading your mind. The other person is probably going along thinking you are feeling awesome and great because you aren’t saying anything that would suggest otherwise.
That is what I did. Since my jaw surgery and everything, the husband and I hadn’t really gone out. So I brought it up to him. In fact I said something along the lines of “I want to go on a hot date with you.” He asked “When?” And we figured we didn’t have anything planned on Friday so we might as well make it for then. Then he decided to take it one step further and say that we should make this like our “first date” ever. It was a great idea. So when Friday rolled around, he got ready while I was in another room and headed out to give me the privacy to change and dress to impress.
The crazy thing is… I actually felt nervous about it. Like I was seriously going to be meeting my date for the first time. I was wondering what I was going to say when he came knocking on my door. What I was going to do to make him really like me.
He ended up showing up at the door, dressed all nice, with orange roses (my favorite!) and Disney coasters (since he had “heard” I really love Disney). My heart was seriously skipping beats. We asked all the first date questions, laughed, teased, and had a really good night. It was almost like getting to know my husband all over again. And I realized, we need to remember this. We need to remember to impress our partner as often as I can. It doesn’t have to be every day. Just something out of the blue.
Being awesome ( for me ) means getting in shape, being healthy, and also making sure I am making the people around me happy (starting with the love of my life because he deserves it!). You don’t have to spend a lot of money to have a great relationship. All it takes is time. If you aren’t willing to do that, then don’t complain that you don’t have that movie romance. Because for me, I feel like I have that movie romance every single day. When I get to wake up next to someone who loves me. And all he has to do is start up my coffee or remind me to do something.
It’s the little things. Truly.
Finding love for myself has really amplified this. Once I began to take care of myself, I felt like I could love my husband deeper. The only one that was holding up barriers was myself. Gaining confidence is a very important part of maintaining something healthy. You can’t rely on another person to build it up for you because you will constantly knock it down. Eventually they will grow tired of trying to build you up. So save them the energy and yourself the heartache, love yourself first.