Pumpkin Spice & Desk Jobs: The Story of My Day

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I love Autumn. There is a crispness in the air that I can never quite describe but it invigorates my soul. It is still pretty damn warm in Colorado, but as the sun sets and that gorgeous moon peaks its majestic head around the clouds, I can feel it. While watching the furry butt of my curious corgi go romping around the yard and the urge for myself to go pee grows strong, I can feel that crispness of Autumn. I am pretty proud of myself for going until September 2nd before I started demanding Pumpkin Spice Everything. I even got a text message from Caribou telling me I could indulge in the pumpkin before anyone else because I got perks (I am a pretty big deal). This morning, though, I looked to my husband and muttered the words every husband wants to hear: “I want to be naughty.” With a raised brow, he looks at me. Before he gets too far into the fantasy (though I am pretty sure he knows me better than I know myself), I whisper (or said really loudly in excitement because who I am kidding) “I want pumpkin iced coffee.”

I made it to September 2nd, folks. I am going to give myself a pat on the back now. And this whole week is my Birthday Week because yunno it should be a week long celebration because I SURVIVED A WHOLE YEAR. It’s been a roller-coaster, man, and as much as I love those adrenaline-inducing rides, I have been feeling anything but rejuvenated. Which is why I am blogging again because I need to find my voice, dammit. I know it is around here somewhere so I am just going to spew word vomit until I find it (you aren’t happy right now that you are reading this are you? That’s fine. You can stop anytime).

I am looking at you CRITIC. Right in your eyeballs.

I am looking at you CRITIC. Right in your eyeballs.

So my mind has basically turned into the mush over the past few years. It turned into real mush when I started working a desk job. Do not get me wrong (people who I may work with who stumble upon this and are like AHH!), I love my job. I love my co-workers and I love knowing without me there things can turn into chaos really quickly (and at the same time, I hate it). I get to indirectly help change people’s lives for the better by getting them through the doors and seeing our world of dog training. And trust me, we have made some miracles happen! We are one of the few dog training places that take in really aggressive dogs because normally behind every aggressive dog is a family who really does love the dog but was either misinformed about the dog when they adopted him/her or it is just in the dog’s genetics. And we are always completely honest with people so it makes me feel good to see that…

But on the other hand, desk jobs are so repetitive that my mind just goes on autopilot. I am not even really aware of what is happening and I hate that feeling. I like to be engaged and have my mind going but 90% of the time I am stuck in my closet, away from the world. I am a person who does thrive on building ideas with people. I LOVE BRAINSTORMING. I love knowing anything is a possibility but when you get stuck in a rut, you start just seeing dirt walls and not the world of green, butterflies, and unicorns (oh they are out there).

Thanks, Oprah. A gentle reminder that a house needs to be cleaned so that weird smell can go away. It's somewhere.

Thanks, Oprah. A gentle reminder that a house needs to be cleaned so that weird smell can go away. It’s somewhere.

Also, I am sitting, A LOT. And it is showing, people. My focus on health is so scattered because I am on autopilot and I am sitting for the majority of the day. I am tempted to ask my boss to ditch the chair and get one of those fun bouncy balls you can sit on? Just bounce my way to productiveness. I wonder what he will say. I am sure I can make a good argument for it. Anyway, I miss going on really nice nature walks. One good thing about Maine is that it was pretty easy to get to nature. Here in Colorado, it does take some effort to get to open spaces (at least where I live). So this is kind of where I am at in life. Desk job and the simple pleasures of pumpkin spice. Take joy where you can get it.

I Need a “Be My Friend” Card – Like a Business Card but With More Awesome

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Moving has been rough. Once it all sank in and things started to fall into place and the novelty sort of wore out, I began really missing my friends. I have friends scattered all over the United States (a couple in Canada, hello there neighbor!) and despite being surrounded by a lot of nice people, I craved that familiarity. I missed Thursday night game night. Drinking wine and watching Grey’s and lamenting over all the cool people dying and the main character complaining. I have never been one who has been great at making a lot of friends. I tend to stick to a close knit group and I love it. I do not need lots and lots of friends. I just need a select few of creative individuals that I can call over for a marathon of trashy television. Is that so much to ask for?

realfriends

I seriously feel like instead of passing out Business Cards, I need to have will you be my friend card. Like hey, you are an awesome person. Lets have coffee sometime! Or a glass of wine. I know it’s before 11AM but you only live once, right? I am not sure what my motto would be yet. Something mystical but full of mystery. Maybe you can even help me come up with one! Wouldn’t that just be AMAZING? I know that is exactly what you are thinking. Who doesn’t want to be a motto-inventor?

So that is currently my state of mind. A feeling of loneliness from a lack of a close connection. My priorities just feel all over the place. My husband and I decided to check out some Meet Up groups in the area. Meet Up is a fancy site, yo. I am hoping we cross paths with some awesome folk. Maybe I will even have a business card all made up. Who has a motto? Bonus points if it includes unicorns.

And go!

Finding Strength (Like Hercules, Minus the Whole Actual Superhuman Strength)

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This past year has been amazing. Incredible. Really stressful. Exhausting,.. I just lost my train of thought as my husband asked where the English Muffins are. Bread Box! Look in the bread box! Though I guess they really are not a bread. Maybe? Honestly I do not know but they are delicious and my husband makes awesome breakfasts. Not always the most HEALTHY breakfasts, but still phenomenal. I feel like this is just a blog of adjectives and verbs at this point.

Lets start over…I have lost my focus. Not just in the sense of this blog post though it is fitting. In the sense of life. I feel like I have just been bouncing between waves, getting drained, when I could be swimming to my own island paradise. Instead I am just floating aimlessly when seriously the island is RIGHT OVER THERE. I CAN SEE IT. Why don’t I swim? I feel like I get distracted by something shiny like a damn bird. The problem with me is if I don’t have a goal, a focus, I get depressed. I need ANYTHING to help in keeping my attention on the end goal. Whether that be a physical goal, emotional goal, a job goal, I thrive better when I have goals. My weight has been pretty consistent around 202-209 since last year and that really has got to stop. I feel like my life has almost gotten stagnant and I have lost that sense of wonder and adventure that I once had. Bitter and frustrated Cassy is no fun. I feel like my brain is in a foggy zone. So I am reaching out to my blog, to other people that may be suffering, feeling alone and directionless. Maybe we can latch on and swim to the island together! (I’ll share, promise).

moving forward

So I am starting with goals. Starting here with this poor neglected blog (don’t mind the cobwebs). I am going to write 3x a week. Whether people read it or not. Whether I get a standing ovation or just silence (no in between!). I need a place to get my feelings out and reflect.

Have the number on the scale go down. Goal is to get below 200 in 3 weeks.

Run 3x a week. I am doing the couch to 5K in hopes of doing a run by the end of October. Anyone else with me?! I could use a running buddy.

Be more optimistic and adventurous. Try a little harder not to think about all the negatives that can happen but see the positives.

I am ready to go the distance. Just like Hercules.

Though hopefully my monsters are more imaginary than real life.

Accountability… What’s that?

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I have to say back sliding is one of the hardest things to admit to. Excuses start with “I’m just retaining water,” or “I am a little stressed… it won’t take much to get back to where I was.” And those excuses keep coming until you can really rationalize that you have GAINED weight back. It’s there. It’s hanging on your hips, pulling down on your tummy, and making your belly shake and your butt jiggle. Your MyFitnessPal app still has you at your lowest weight and you feel ashamed to change it. It’s been almost a year since I have seen 185 on the scale. It’s time to face the music.Take the plunge. Start from Square 2 (not 1 at least!) and get back on track. This week, I admitted to myself and MyFitnessPal that I had officially gained 20 pounds in the past year. I can finally mark progress when I lose weight instead of seeing that daunting 185 and wondering when the heck I will ever see that number on the scale again.

onestepcloserLast weekend, I went away for my first business trip ever. It was terrifying at first to be pushed out of my comfort zone and go to a place where I did not truly know everyone. I love my coworkers and boss, but it is an entirely different element to hang out with them for 5 days straight in one of the craziest cities I have been to: Vegas. I would not trade that time for the world. My comfort zones were stretched in places they really needed to be and learn to just let go and live. The classes were inspiring and I walked away with information I could apply to my job but also my life. One of those lessons was about accountability. Finding out what your big picture goal is and then breaking it down by year, by month, by week, and by day. Every single day you should be doing something to achieve your goals. Whether it be a fitness goal, a business goal, a personal goal. Every day you have to dedicate some time to achieving something to improve yourself. If you find yourself thinking you are perfect, you have mostly just become complacent and forgotten how to dream. There is ALWAYS something you can be doing to become a better version of yourself. To help in achieving those goals, you have to become open with them. Tell people. Friends. Family. Someone who can help in achieving them. When you keep your goals bottled up, you never know who can help you and you also have no one keeping you accountable. No one helping you to strive to a better version of yourself.

I admit that in the past year I became complacent. I was just going through the motions. Work, watch TV, see my pony. livelifeinjoyThere wasn’t much in the “bettering me” department. I gained weight and got lazy despite going to the gym, I only did the bare minimum. This business trip was exactly what I needed to light a fire under my ass and find my passion. Find who I want to be inside. My goals for 2015 are starting to shape up! This is what I have so far:

1. Get to 165 pounds by the end of the year. I will be at 195 by the end of April and back to my original weight by the end of May.

2. Work out 3x a week at the gym. Horseback ride Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday.

3. Get the inside of the house painted by August. Dedicate one room per month.

4. Pay off ONE credit card by the end of December.

5. Go on 15 Hikes (all being 2+ miles long).

Those are my 5 main personal goals this year. I plan on blogging at least once a week to keep you all updated on my progress. Now what I want to know is…

What are your goals? What do you want out of 2015 for yourself? Let me know in the comment below and maybe we can help each other stay accountable.

A Year of A Lot of Change…Help Me Get Back on Track

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2014 became a year of incredible, scary, and exciting change. My husband and I decided fairly quickly to actually pack up our life in Maine and move to the wonderful state of Colorado where most of his family is located. We lucked out and were actually able to buy our first home — which had 19 offers on it and was only on the market for 2 days. Crazy! All in the time span of a month. I felt like this was a pretty clear sign that this move was meant to happen. Doors were opening wide without much more than a tap.

The drive out here was definitely a bonding experience with three cats in the back of our Escape and a trailer filled with just the basics. We lucked out and hardly ran into any traffic. The only part I feared with Gary, IN and Chicago. Any time you enter a state and they tell you how many people have died from traffic accidents in the year… well it does not leave you with happy, pleasant feelings that’s for sure. We also hit this craziness after we had already been driving for over 15 hours. The cats were yowling in the back. People were flying by us. The roads were horribly marked. It’s just an experience I wish to never repeat.

 

After 4 days of driving, we finally arrived. To our home.

I am so in love with this place... slowly but surely we have been making it more homey.

I am so in love with this place… slowly but surely we have been making it more homey.

Life in Colorado has been absolutely amazing! Within just a few weeks, I landed an awesome job working with a Dog Training Company! Unfortunately it is a desk job for the most part, but I really enjoy talking with clients, meeting dogs, and getting our name out there! I have been overwhelmed by the variety of restaurants and things to do. Over the summer, I went hiking and saw some of the most breathtaking places — including this wonderful Blue Lake!

I have never personally seen water that gorgeous before!

I have never personally seen water that gorgeous before!

One thing that took a back seat with all these changes is my health. I have definitely been splurging every chance I get instead of working on moderation. I have been active — even joined a gym and got a personal trainer! The only problem has been my focus. After all is said and done, I gained 20 pounds this year, and I feel every single one of them. My biggest wake up call was after 20 personal training sessions and going to the gym at least 3x a week, I had not lost ANYTHING. It is true what they say. You can not outwork a bad diet. My attitude needed to change.

This was my first week seriously sitting down and evaluating everything. I focused on what I was eating, and not just going with what was easy and what I was craving (which was never anything good!) I know I picked a great time to want to get control of my eating the one time of year people are all about the food (Thanksgiving, Christmas Cookies, Junk Food…) but it was just such a slap in the face to not have any change happen with my work outs. Even though I am definitely stronger… I didn’t even lose inches. Yikes!

Lately, I have been going back to my old roots and looking for inspiration with other weight loss blogs. I love reading about other people’s triumphs and struggles when it comes to battling weight. It was what focused me before and I was hoping this time would be no different. The more I read, though, the more I missed my blog. It was such a nice thing to look forward to every day. Coming up with goals, writing about those goals, and being surrounded by people who appreciated and could share in my joy.

I hope it isn’t too late. You can find it in your hearts to forgive me for being gone for so long. Here’s to ending the year strong and starting 2015 even stronger. Who’s with me?

 

 

Must Be The Start of a New Year…

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My husband and I started the semester strong by going to the gym last night, and we were not the only ones. As the oddly warm wind of January brushed against our skin as we approached the Rec Center, my husband looks at me and asks what machine we will be using. Large windows show off the hard working bodies inside. I grimace slightly, “Whatever is open.” The inside is packed. The basketball courts are bursting with high energy athletes. The weight room is surrounded by old and new people. Most of the Cardio machines are taken, including every single treadmill. We were extremely lucky to find two elliptical open, not only that but they were side by side. The plan is to take it easy and ease us back into a routine. My husband has a tendency to over-do it since he will feel fine while doing it but then be extremely sore the next three days. The one work out ends up doing more bad than good. We set the elliptical for 20 minutes with a 5 minute cool-down. Respectable I think. I then look around at all the people surrounding us. A lot of them seem like new comers. Quite a few more overweight people which makes me smile. I am sure they made a resolution to get in shape and lose weight this year. I do feel a pang in my heart when I know in a couple weeks I probably won’t be seeing them anymore. No, nothing is going to happen to me… but it is something I have seen many times before. I see people start so strong, and then slowly the gym gets less and less busy. Soon I start seeing less overweight people at the gym, and more of the regulars that seem to eat, breathe, and sleep treadmills. 

I want to reach out to them. Tell them that it is easy right now but there will come a day when you will have a gym day planned and you won’t go. You will promise yourself tomorrow, but then something else will come up tomorrow… and next thing you know it has been a month since you have been to the gym. I know because I have been there. I have set out to do it but then months will pass since my last visit to the gym. Just last Fall semester I went for 2 weeks, and then I just stopped going until like November. No good. 

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As much as I like when we go to the gym and we have a choice of which equipment we want to use, I hate seeing so many people pursue a life of fitness only to give it up a few weeks later. You have to get over the 2 week hurdle. It will become a little easier the third week. By the fourth week, you may even start feeling a little excitement when you know you can just sweat out all the day’s frustrations at the gym. Excuses can be made for anything. Excuses are so. fucking. easy. to. make. You will not be admired for your excuses. They will not bring you satisfaction. Actually doing it regardless of the excuses is what will make you strong. Just do it. Anything. Even if you only do a 10 minute work out. Do it. This is not just advice for you, but it is also a reminder for myself. If I plan on reaching my goal weight, I need to push myself as well.

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Every day I plan on doing something. I have been working on my planking and have gotten up to holding it for 50 seconds though it is still a struggle. Monday was a success for going to the gym, and Wednesday will be too.

Don’t give up. The days you don’t want to go are the ones that count the most. You got this. I am cheering for you.

What to Expect this Week…

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In a half hour, I pack up my backpack and head out into the world to start my Spring semester. This is going to be a little more busy and tougher than last semester but I am definitely looking forward to the challenge. The last week on break I was starting to get back into “healthy thinking,” and took a small break from my nemesis: sugar. Over the past month I had gotten into the habit of having some sort of dessert at the end of the day which usually set me back over 200 calories. I have to say going back to not having a cookie or something after dinner was a challenge! I was never hungry, but there would just be this nagging in the back of my mind. Yet I persevered! 

This week I am hoping to get into a habit of blogging again. I want to get more involved and post about 3x a week with a weigh-in post on Friday.

My goal this week revolves around fitness. I am hoping to start this semester off strong and go to the gym 4x a week: Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. The plan is to do cardio 3x a week and then Saturday morning the husband and I will be doing some weight training. 

Unfortunately this post needs to be cut short since I have to head out in the world! Hope everyone has a great Monday!

Anyone else have goals set for themselves this week?