Pumpkin Spice & Desk Jobs: The Story of My Day

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I love Autumn. There is a crispness in the air that I can never quite describe but it invigorates my soul. It is still pretty damn warm in Colorado, but as the sun sets and that gorgeous moon peaks its majestic head around the clouds, I can feel it. While watching the furry butt of my curious corgi go romping around the yard and the urge for myself to go pee grows strong, I can feel that crispness of Autumn. I am pretty proud of myself for going until September 2nd before I started demanding Pumpkin Spice Everything. I even got a text message from Caribou telling me I could indulge in the pumpkin before anyone else because I got perks (I am a pretty big deal). This morning, though, I looked to my husband and muttered the words every husband wants to hear: “I want to be naughty.” With a raised brow, he looks at me. Before he gets too far into the fantasy (though I am pretty sure he knows me better than I know myself), I whisper (or said really loudly in excitement because who I am kidding) “I want pumpkin iced coffee.”

I made it to September 2nd, folks. I am going to give myself a pat on the back now. And this whole week is my Birthday Week because yunno it should be a week long celebration because I SURVIVED A WHOLE YEAR. It’s been a roller-coaster, man, and as much as I love those adrenaline-inducing rides, I have been feeling anything but rejuvenated. Which is why I am blogging again because I need to find my voice, dammit. I know it is around here somewhere so I am just going to spew word vomit until I find it (you aren’t happy right now that you are reading this are you? That’s fine. You can stop anytime).

I am looking at you CRITIC. Right in your eyeballs.

I am looking at you CRITIC. Right in your eyeballs.

So my mind has basically turned into the mush over the past few years. It turned into real mush when I started working a desk job. Do not get me wrong (people who I may work with who stumble upon this and are like AHH!), I love my job. I love my co-workers and I love knowing without me there things can turn into chaos really quickly (and at the same time, I hate it). I get to indirectly help change people’s lives for the better by getting them through the doors and seeing our world of dog training. And trust me, we have made some miracles happen! We are one of the few dog training places that take in really aggressive dogs because normally behind every aggressive dog is a family who really does love the dog but was either misinformed about the dog when they adopted him/her or it is just in the dog’s genetics. And we are always completely honest with people so it makes me feel good to see that…

But on the other hand, desk jobs are so repetitive that my mind just goes on autopilot. I am not even really aware of what is happening and I hate that feeling. I like to be engaged and have my mind going but 90% of the time I am stuck in my closet, away from the world. I am a person who does thrive on building ideas with people. I LOVE BRAINSTORMING. I love knowing anything is a possibility but when you get stuck in a rut, you start just seeing dirt walls and not the world of green, butterflies, and unicorns (oh they are out there).

Thanks, Oprah. A gentle reminder that a house needs to be cleaned so that weird smell can go away. It's somewhere.

Thanks, Oprah. A gentle reminder that a house needs to be cleaned so that weird smell can go away. It’s somewhere.

Also, I am sitting, A LOT. And it is showing, people. My focus on health is so scattered because I am on autopilot and I am sitting for the majority of the day. I am tempted to ask my boss to ditch the chair and get one of those fun bouncy balls you can sit on? Just bounce my way to productiveness. I wonder what he will say. I am sure I can make a good argument for it. Anyway, I miss going on really nice nature walks. One good thing about Maine is that it was pretty easy to get to nature. Here in Colorado, it does take some effort to get to open spaces (at least where I live). So this is kind of where I am at in life. Desk job and the simple pleasures of pumpkin spice. Take joy where you can get it.

Accountability… What’s that?

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I have to say back sliding is one of the hardest things to admit to. Excuses start with “I’m just retaining water,” or “I am a little stressed… it won’t take much to get back to where I was.” And those excuses keep coming until you can really rationalize that you have GAINED weight back. It’s there. It’s hanging on your hips, pulling down on your tummy, and making your belly shake and your butt jiggle. Your MyFitnessPal app still has you at your lowest weight and you feel ashamed to change it. It’s been almost a year since I have seen 185 on the scale. It’s time to face the music.Take the plunge. Start from Square 2 (not 1 at least!) and get back on track. This week, I admitted to myself and MyFitnessPal that I had officially gained 20 pounds in the past year. I can finally mark progress when I lose weight instead of seeing that daunting 185 and wondering when the heck I will ever see that number on the scale again.

onestepcloserLast weekend, I went away for my first business trip ever. It was terrifying at first to be pushed out of my comfort zone and go to a place where I did not truly know everyone. I love my coworkers and boss, but it is an entirely different element to hang out with them for 5 days straight in one of the craziest cities I have been to: Vegas. I would not trade that time for the world. My comfort zones were stretched in places they really needed to be and learn to just let go and live. The classes were inspiring and I walked away with information I could apply to my job but also my life. One of those lessons was about accountability. Finding out what your big picture goal is and then breaking it down by year, by month, by week, and by day. Every single day you should be doing something to achieve your goals. Whether it be a fitness goal, a business goal, a personal goal. Every day you have to dedicate some time to achieving something to improve yourself. If you find yourself thinking you are perfect, you have mostly just become complacent and forgotten how to dream. There is ALWAYS something you can be doing to become a better version of yourself. To help in achieving those goals, you have to become open with them. Tell people. Friends. Family. Someone who can help in achieving them. When you keep your goals bottled up, you never know who can help you and you also have no one keeping you accountable. No one helping you to strive to a better version of yourself.

I admit that in the past year I became complacent. I was just going through the motions. Work, watch TV, see my pony. livelifeinjoyThere wasn’t much in the “bettering me” department. I gained weight and got lazy despite going to the gym, I only did the bare minimum. This business trip was exactly what I needed to light a fire under my ass and find my passion. Find who I want to be inside. My goals for 2015 are starting to shape up! This is what I have so far:

1. Get to 165 pounds by the end of the year. I will be at 195 by the end of April and back to my original weight by the end of May.

2. Work out 3x a week at the gym. Horseback ride Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday.

3. Get the inside of the house painted by August. Dedicate one room per month.

4. Pay off ONE credit card by the end of December.

5. Go on 15 Hikes (all being 2+ miles long).

Those are my 5 main personal goals this year. I plan on blogging at least once a week to keep you all updated on my progress. Now what I want to know is…

What are your goals? What do you want out of 2015 for yourself? Let me know in the comment below and maybe we can help each other stay accountable.

All I See is the Number 185

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It has definitely been awhile since I have wandered around these ol’ blogging parts, and it has been missed. So much and yet so little has changed since I sort of just… left. I am in the middle of my second semester of becoming a Nutritionist (and hopefully becoming an RD). I became a fan of football (I know. I never thought I would say that either). And have just been enjoying life. The one thing that has not really changed though is my weight. I have pretty much been at the same number for a whole entire year, and in some ways, that is a good thing. I lost 80 pounds and did not back slide. On the downside, I have not progressed either. I have just been stuck. Unmotivated. And every time I go to swing my legs up to get back on the horse, I end up completely missing and falling back down. I am getting really tired of being stuck in the same rut. I miss how I felt last year. How I felt ready to take on the world, motivated, wanting to go out and do stuff to show off how great I felt on the inside. 

I think one of the reasons I was so successful last year was because I had this wonderful blog to help keep me accountable. I wanted to help inspire people to show them that it can be done. Helping others gives me such a joy and also helps keep me focused and motivated. I am currently on a journey to get a degree where I will be able to do just that, but how will I be motivating if I can’t even keep myself motivated? This has got to change. I know I always pick the worse times to get back on the horse… when I first started losing weight (and changing my life!) was in December of 2011, right before Christmas. The Holidays are the hardest times to start changing a routine because the routine gets changed so much to begin with. There is food around that is never around any other time of the year. The good news, though, is if you can avoid the temptation of the holidays… you can avoid them any time of the year. Not saying you can’t give in to any temptation, but this is a good time as any to teach yourself moderation.

So that is my goal from today to New Years: give into temptation in moderation. No alcohol except for a little on Thanksgiving. Do not feel like all the leftovers need to be devoured. It is okay to throw out some of that pumpkin pie. I do not want to be stuck looking at the number 185 for the rest of my life. I am getting so close to my 100 pound goal. I need to make that goal into a reality. 

ImageThis is my comeback. This is when I make 2014 the year I succeed at my goals and blow them out of the water. Expect to see me around. And while we are at… do you have a comeback story?

 

Week Goals, December Goals, Goals Everywhere

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It was around this time last year I decided to finally take control of my life and lose weight. My dad had just passed away a few months back, and the husband and I were trying to get into the Christmas spirit and do some shopping. My jeans were getting pretty ratty, and I really wanted to buy some new clothes, so we decided to check out Macy’s plus size section. I grabbed a pair of pants that I am sure would fit. They looked big to my eye! But when I went into the dressing room, I was severely disappointed. I couldn’t even get the pants over my butt. I was so distraught and it really put a damper on my Holiday spirit. I knew right then I needed to change or else my life was going to be a lot of disappointments that didn’t have to be disappointments. These were things I could change.

takingcontrol

 

Now flash forward to a year later, to now, and I am 80 pounds lighter.  I can walk into most stores and find something to fit into. I don’t walk away feeling embarrassed or sad. I walk away feeling empowered, confident, and most of the time sexy! I am no longer afraid to be myself when before I just wanted to hide to make sure no one noticed me. I was so ashamed of who I was. I am not that girl anymore.

I am a girl who is strong enough to go from 267 pounds to 187 pounds, in one year.

I am a girl who hiked Mountains this summer instead of hid in her apartment.

I am a girl who decided to live life instead of watching it flutter-by.

And you can do it too!

My goal for the next year is to lose another 20 pounds for a total of 100 pounds loss. From there I will re-evaluate where I feel like I need to be.

My goal for December is to lose 5 pounds, have the elliptical in working order, and exercise at least a half hour 5x a week.

My goal for this week is to get my Christmas village set up, get all the lights up in the apartment, start baking Holiday cookies to send out to clients, and lose one pound.

bebetterthanyou

Every day I want to be a little bit better than the day before. Every day I want to kick a little bit more butt. I know this next year is going to be just as amazing, and most likely even more so, than this year. I am so excited by the possibilities because I decided to take control of my life.

Revamping my Life

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So I can say right now I barely followed ANY of my goals for July. I did not run 4 – 5 times a week. I did not do the 30 Day Shred every day. I just lived my life with those ideas always floating in the back of my mind so I did them occasionally. Not all the time but at least 3 times a week, but I have been incredibly active and I have a lot to be proud of. I am only one pound away from losing 60 pounds, and I am hoping to reach that milestone by the end of the month. Absolutely amazing! I have come so far in the past year, that it really isn’t even worth saying what I did not accomplish this month because I have accomplished so much more! But I also learned a lot of myself by making these goals in terms of exercise… I do not like rigid schedules when it comes to exercise. Nope. Not at all. I also really do not like running. I can do it because it makes me feel good afterwards, but doing it is not a happy thing. I love horseback riding. I love doing my 30 Day Shred. I love haying. I just love living my life and the activity that comes along with doing it. I am so much more active and focused than I have ever been before. The one goal I am a little sad about is not keeping up on my blogging and everyone’s blogs! Sorry blogging world!
But I definitely do like having things to aspire too! The goals did help push me to go that extra mile! So I am trying to make other bigger goals that applies to all faucets of my life. I don’t quite have it all figured out quite yet, but I will be posting them throughout this week.

 

One big goal I have been working on is cleaning and organizing the whole entire apartment! I hope to eventually have a yard sale before the summer is over and start saving money to another trip to California to hang out with one of my soulmates. I had so much fun in May, that I definitely think a visit with her will have to be a yearly thing.  Also, I just really want to make this place feel super homey since we plan on living here for another 3 years.  So far I have cleaned the bathroom, organized the bedroom and the kitchen! Tomorrow I am conquering the living room. I have gotten some picture frames and ordered photos so finally going to have some pictures of us around the house! I am so excited and have really been getting into it. This weekend I also plan to conquer the office and decorate my desk with lots of color and motivational stuff! I will take a before and after picture, and maybe even give you guys a tour of the apartment and let you guys know what I did to make it seem AWESOME.

Anyway, I will talk more about my goals and such tomorrow… sorry my posts are always so… not focused all the time! I write better in the mornings.