We Are All Just a Bunch of Walking Heads

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Meditation was very interesting to partake in. There actually was a lot of new students at the class so I wonder if this feeling of directionless and stress is going around. The one thing about meditation is trying to be more aware of how your body changes in response to your thoughts. Those feeling of anxiety and depression change the way you breathe, how your muscles tense, and many other things. Sometimes you just need to be an observer of what is happening to you instead of being so caught up in the brain and thoughts. This is something I really need to work on. My destructive emotions are unchecked and running amok. My biggest is being guilt and shame with a mix of depression. I do not feel like I do enough for people and I am always letting people down. I keep pushing myself to be better, to be perfect, and hold myself to these incredibly high standards that quickly come crashing down as soon as I mess up (which I am bound to do because hello, I am human). This goes the same with weight loss. I am either super strict or I am sabotaging myself. It is very hard for me to be in the middle which is something I really want to improve on.

Anyway it is Monday so that means weekly goals! Here we go:

  1. Weigh in on Friday. Be down to 204.
  2. Run 3x this week.
  3. Ride my horse 3x this week.
  4. Despite it being my birthday week, have sugary sweets in moderation.
  5. Keep the blogging up, yo!

That’s right. You heard it. My birthday falls on Labor Day this year so I get a 3-Day weekend in my honor. You’re welcome. I really have no plans in the works besides the Taylor Swift shin-dig on Sunday so if you have any ideas of fun birthday activities to do, let me know! It might include visiting a vineyard, going on a 40 mile bike ride, visiting a mountain town (though they are probably going to be packed for the weekend). I am kind of bummed I did not realize Frontier was having such AMAZING deals on travel. I would have booked a $20 ticket to Vegas. Ah well, maybe next year. I know I want a balance of exploring as well as relaxing as chilling. Which is a hard thing for me to do (again with the whole all or nothing balance thing). So give me your ideas.

What is your week looking like?

What is an emotion you want to focus on accepting and leaving your body?

How many licks does it take to get to a center of a tootsie pop? Curious minds want to know!

Meanwhile, stare at this picture. Doesn’t it just make you feel inspired? This is definitely one of my favorite places.

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Sheepish Hello…

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I know I disappeared again… but I have some valid excuses! I swear. Only half of them revolve around laziness! Also I was pretty bad with the holidays. So many yummy goodies and I ate them all most of them! After Thanksgiving, I actually got food poisoning. That is not fun! And then after that I spent all my time finishing school projects, studying for finals, and baking a crap load of cookies. I send out cookies for my husband’s customers to enjoy over the holidays and as a thank you for their business. I feel like it is a nice personable gift because I put a lot of love in those suckers! Unfortunately, I also ate a few of them… and we also got a lot of goodies from friends and relatives. So those five pounds I loss in November, well I found them! 

This past week I have been getting back on track, though. Been putting everything into the wonderful MyFitnessPal and staying below my calories. My activity has been lacking, but that will be changing once I go back to school and can go back to the gym. Despite that, I have lost about 3 of those pounds I have gained over the Holidays so I am feeling pretty good about that!

2013 was a year of just taking in life, I guess. I definitely lived in the moment a lot which is not bad at all… I just never did it in the most healthy way possible. I did realize I could maintain my weight though which is a bonus but it was not the weight I wanted to maintain it at. 2014 is the year where that is going to change! So let me hop on the “Goals for 2014 Train” CHOO CHOO.

1. Get down to 160 by June.

I have 6 months to lose 23 pounds. Definitely do-able! I know once you start getting closer to your goal weight the harder it is to shed the weight. I am only looking at losing 4 pounds a month. I got this. I am going to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friends in August. I want to feel and look my best!

2. Not be so Attached to Technology

I hate the fact I spend so much time on my phone, computer, watching TV. I haven’t really read much this break and I hate it. I used to be able to read a book like it was nobody’s business… but now I am stuck in this cycle of watching TV, playing video games, repeat. I want to have more in-depth conversations with my husband. Discuss life a little more instead of just turning my brain to mush. Yucky mushy brain!

3. More Road Trips/More Adventures

One of my big goals this year: Get my passport. It is a shame to live so close to the Canada border and not being able to explore it! Definitely want to do this with my husband. We have traveled all over the state of Maine and are ready to broaden our horizons! I am really craving more adventure in my life. Traveling down to Pennsylvania for my friend’s wedding will definitely be a blast!

4. Stay Motivated in School

I started procrastinating last semester, but I do not want to get to the end of the semester again feeling overwhelmed. Going to stay on top of my studies!

Those are my main 4 goals. Lose weight, live life. I also need to look into volunteering and getting more involved in the world of Dietitians. I only have two more years left of my degree and then I need to make myself look good for an internship… which means recommendations! Already feeling the pressure.

So here is to a successful 2014!

I am not Perfect — And that is Okay

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I strive for perfection. A little pain stabs at my heart when I get a B instead of an A. When a person would tell me that it was “Good” instead of “Great.” I don’t know why I can’t be happy with just being in a happy medium but it drives me crazy. I want to be awesome… ALL the time, but do you know how exhausting that is? Pretty damn exhausting. And it does not leave me filling fulfilled and happy at all. I just move on to the next thing I need to be perfect at. This feeling also keeps me from trying new things. I am so afraid of being really crappy at something that I just won’t do it. I don’t know why I expect to be able to do something perfectly the first time, but I really lay the pressure on thick and then freeze up and just back up entirely. That is no way to live a life. It is okay to make mistakes, and I need to learn that is acceptable. I mean… I don’t expect perfection from other people, so why should I expect it for myself? 

Today, I am taking a rest day even though I wanted Monday to be my rest day. My muscles are still screaming from Tuesday’s Jillian work-out. Despite the aches, I still went to the gym last night and put in a 33 minute work out. My legs were okay while working out but afterwards, they were screaming. Going down the stairs was a very slow process. I then went to yoga to stretch it out and hopefully that would help a little more… and though I got some relief, I still woke up really stiff and achy today. Ugh. Doing Jillian’s work out today is just not in the cards. I would like to be able to go to classes tomorrow. Despite knowing this is what my body needs, I still feel that stab of disappointment. I want to be perfect. I want to do it all right the first time. Ugh. Not a fun feeling, but better to take it easy now than cause an injury and be out of commission for weeks instead of a day. I fully intend on horseback riding and hitting up the gym tomorrow and resuming my Jillian torture on Saturday. 

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Today is just one day in the large scheme of things. I am still eating healthy (had a delicious Strawberry Greek yogurt with Dark Chocolate Granola for Breakfast). I will just be taking it easy today so I can kick butt the rest of the week. I am not a failure because I am not perfect every day. That is just too much for a person to expect of themselves. It is okay to take a step back.

You are not perfect and neither am I.

And that is okay. 

Updated Monthly Goals, 100 Goals, and About Me!

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I realized how outdated all these things were! I had lost 20 pounds since I had last updated my About Me/Progress Picture and my Monthly Goals were from November! Ugh! So all that needed an overhaul! I also have to update my 100 goals since I had definitely completed a few of them in the past few months. What goals are you asking? Well I am glad you ask because I actually have pictures of a few of them!

#3.Go back to California to hang out with my other soulmate, Lindsay (Completed March 5th – 11th, 2013)

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Reunited and it feels so… Good?

#24. See a live Orca (Completed March 8th, 2013)

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Not only did I see BIG orcas, I saw a baby one too! YEE!

#30.Go on a Rollercoaster that goes upside down (Completed March 14, 2013)

I don’t have a picture of this yet… but it still happened! I have witnesses! Sort of. She may or may not have fallen asleep, and the husband went on it with me!

#49. Make a snowman (February 27, 2013)

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Me and the coolest looking snowman ever.

#50.Also a snow angel  (Sometime in January 2013)

Unfortunately, no pictures of this… but it did happen this year! It was just really dark out when it did happen!

 

Something that did happen that was not on my list but should have been…

MEET A DOLPHIN

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Yeah. That happened!

The thing some people forget to mention when you are on this incredibly hard journey of weight loss is how WORTH it is… not because you will look and feel fantastic… but because your confidence will shoot up and you will take chances you would have never done before because you were too afraid. Say yes to more opportunities!

Getting Re-Inspired…

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I keep disappearing, mostly because I never have anything successful to say. My eating has been pretty gross and my exercise is almost nil. NIL. Ugh. I can feel my muscles becoming more flabby and it has been making me sad. Instead of facing this straight on, I have been avoiding everything that reminds me of what journey I am on. I am on a journey to awesomehood. Not a journey to sit in front of a computer all day and play games. Nut uh. I am about living. I am about seeing the world. I am about feeling good about myself. These things need to take a priority again.

It is hard balancing school with everything else. By the end of the day, I feel a little “Blargh” and like my mind wants to explode… a little bit. And I avoided the blog world because I thought that would only make it worse, when I am pretty sure quite the opposite would occur. I would feel inspired and happy! But I would also feel like I would have to do things. Like go to the gym. And make a healthy grocery list.

Currently my goal is to take it one day at a time. Today, I have already exercised, and I had a high fiber breakfast. I plan on getting my homework done this morning and then work on studying for my Food and Nutrition exam. I need to get back to seeing my horse on a regular schedule. No excuses. So I am going to see her today. I know I can do this because I have done it before.

My weight has been fluctuating between 185 – 190. I am really tired of losing and regaining the same pounds over and over again. Time to focus up. Time to change. I cannot use school work and it being winter as an excuse. A little cold is not going to kill me.

So here is to a day where I plan on writing down everything I eat, not sneak any chocolate, and being on track.

Just one day.

And then I will do it again tomorrow.

A Big Update: New Site, New Scale, New Year!

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Sorry I have been hiding a lot lately and haven’t posted or read many of your blogs! I just have not been prioritizing my time very well and things started to go downhill real fast. I lost focus on my weight loss goals and have just been jumping back and forth between similar numbers (at least I haven’t been gaining a lot with the holidays but I haven’t been losing either!). My body has become a lot less tone due to not exercising as often as I want/need to. Just a lot of things have been adding up and making me feel like a failure! But no more! I am back full force. The new year started off a little shaky but that’s a great thing about each day, you can change it! You can make a new start whenever. 

Though I haven’t been posting a lot here, I have started a new site with two other very awesome ladies! Check out the site here: 3 Girls Against The Scale. We have tips, recipes, product reviews and giveaways! Make sure to like us on Facebook too!

Another reason it has been hard to get motivated is because my scale died. I just did not know what my exact weight was! I had to guessimate and hope that the scale wasn’t being honest when it would jump 10 pounds up when I first got on, get on again and it would be 11 pounds lighter, get on one last time and it would be somewhere in the middle! Very frustrating! So last night, I finally bought a new scale! A nice old fashion one so it can’t jump all over the place.

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Sorry for the blurriness! =D

I got on this morning and I am at 190. Not too bad considering how lazy I have been! My goal is to get down to 185 by the end of January and then be at 170 by the end of February!

Also, I have started up classes! I am on my way to becoming a dietitian and I am super excited. The best part is with my schooling I also get a membership to the gym so I hit that up last night. My plan is to go to the gym 3 times a week and horseback ride 4 times a week.

My other goals consist of not procrastinating! (I am not allowed to play games or watch television until my homework is done). As long as I stay on top of things, I shouldn’t get so boggled down by other things.

I plan on posting on this blog 3 times a week or as often as I can! I need to see how busy I am with school and the other site but I am going to try to get caught up on your blogs too! Or at least do a better job at reading them.

Have an awesome day everyone!

Week Goals, December Goals, Goals Everywhere

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It was around this time last year I decided to finally take control of my life and lose weight. My dad had just passed away a few months back, and the husband and I were trying to get into the Christmas spirit and do some shopping. My jeans were getting pretty ratty, and I really wanted to buy some new clothes, so we decided to check out Macy’s plus size section. I grabbed a pair of pants that I am sure would fit. They looked big to my eye! But when I went into the dressing room, I was severely disappointed. I couldn’t even get the pants over my butt. I was so distraught and it really put a damper on my Holiday spirit. I knew right then I needed to change or else my life was going to be a lot of disappointments that didn’t have to be disappointments. These were things I could change.

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Now flash forward to a year later, to now, and I am 80 pounds lighter.  I can walk into most stores and find something to fit into. I don’t walk away feeling embarrassed or sad. I walk away feeling empowered, confident, and most of the time sexy! I am no longer afraid to be myself when before I just wanted to hide to make sure no one noticed me. I was so ashamed of who I was. I am not that girl anymore.

I am a girl who is strong enough to go from 267 pounds to 187 pounds, in one year.

I am a girl who hiked Mountains this summer instead of hid in her apartment.

I am a girl who decided to live life instead of watching it flutter-by.

And you can do it too!

My goal for the next year is to lose another 20 pounds for a total of 100 pounds loss. From there I will re-evaluate where I feel like I need to be.

My goal for December is to lose 5 pounds, have the elliptical in working order, and exercise at least a half hour 5x a week.

My goal for this week is to get my Christmas village set up, get all the lights up in the apartment, start baking Holiday cookies to send out to clients, and lose one pound.

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Every day I want to be a little bit better than the day before. Every day I want to kick a little bit more butt. I know this next year is going to be just as amazing, and most likely even more so, than this year. I am so excited by the possibilities because I decided to take control of my life.