Pumpkin Spice & Desk Jobs: The Story of My Day

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I love Autumn. There is a crispness in the air that I can never quite describe but it invigorates my soul. It is still pretty damn warm in Colorado, but as the sun sets and that gorgeous moon peaks its majestic head around the clouds, I can feel it. While watching the furry butt of my curious corgi go romping around the yard and the urge for myself to go pee grows strong, I can feel that crispness of Autumn. I am pretty proud of myself for going until September 2nd before I started demanding Pumpkin Spice Everything. I even got a text message from Caribou telling me I could indulge in the pumpkin before anyone else because I got perks (I am a pretty big deal). This morning, though, I looked to my husband and muttered the words every husband wants to hear: “I want to be naughty.” With a raised brow, he looks at me. Before he gets too far into the fantasy (though I am pretty sure he knows me better than I know myself), I whisper (or said really loudly in excitement because who I am kidding) “I want pumpkin iced coffee.”

I made it to September 2nd, folks. I am going to give myself a pat on the back now. And this whole week is my Birthday Week because yunno it should be a week long celebration because I SURVIVED A WHOLE YEAR. It’s been a roller-coaster, man, and as much as I love those adrenaline-inducing rides, I have been feeling anything but rejuvenated. Which is why I am blogging again because I need to find my voice, dammit. I know it is around here somewhere so I am just going to spew word vomit until I find it (you aren’t happy right now that you are reading this are you? That’s fine. You can stop anytime).

I am looking at you CRITIC. Right in your eyeballs.

I am looking at you CRITIC. Right in your eyeballs.

So my mind has basically turned into the mush over the past few years. It turned into real mush when I started working a desk job. Do not get me wrong (people who I may work with who stumble upon this and are like AHH!), I love my job. I love my co-workers and I love knowing without me there things can turn into chaos really quickly (and at the same time, I hate it). I get to indirectly help change people’s lives for the better by getting them through the doors and seeing our world of dog training. And trust me, we have made some miracles happen! We are one of the few dog training places that take in really aggressive dogs because normally behind every aggressive dog is a family who really does love the dog but was either misinformed about the dog when they adopted him/her or it is just in the dog’s genetics. And we are always completely honest with people so it makes me feel good to see that…

But on the other hand, desk jobs are so repetitive that my mind just goes on autopilot. I am not even really aware of what is happening and I hate that feeling. I like to be engaged and have my mind going but 90% of the time I am stuck in my closet, away from the world. I am a person who does thrive on building ideas with people. I LOVE BRAINSTORMING. I love knowing anything is a possibility but when you get stuck in a rut, you start just seeing dirt walls and not the world of green, butterflies, and unicorns (oh they are out there).

Thanks, Oprah. A gentle reminder that a house needs to be cleaned so that weird smell can go away. It's somewhere.

Thanks, Oprah. A gentle reminder that a house needs to be cleaned so that weird smell can go away. It’s somewhere.

Also, I am sitting, A LOT. And it is showing, people. My focus on health is so scattered because I am on autopilot and I am sitting for the majority of the day. I am tempted to ask my boss to ditch the chair and get one of those fun bouncy balls you can sit on? Just bounce my way to productiveness. I wonder what he will say. I am sure I can make a good argument for it. Anyway, I miss going on really nice nature walks. One good thing about Maine is that it was pretty easy to get to nature. Here in Colorado, it does take some effort to get to open spaces (at least where I live). So this is kind of where I am at in life. Desk job and the simple pleasures of pumpkin spice. Take joy where you can get it.

Finding Strength (Like Hercules, Minus the Whole Actual Superhuman Strength)

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This past year has been amazing. Incredible. Really stressful. Exhausting,.. I just lost my train of thought as my husband asked where the English Muffins are. Bread Box! Look in the bread box! Though I guess they really are not a bread. Maybe? Honestly I do not know but they are delicious and my husband makes awesome breakfasts. Not always the most HEALTHY breakfasts, but still phenomenal. I feel like this is just a blog of adjectives and verbs at this point.

Lets start over…I have lost my focus. Not just in the sense of this blog post though it is fitting. In the sense of life. I feel like I have just been bouncing between waves, getting drained, when I could be swimming to my own island paradise. Instead I am just floating aimlessly when seriously the island is RIGHT OVER THERE. I CAN SEE IT. Why don’t I swim? I feel like I get distracted by something shiny like a damn bird. The problem with me is if I don’t have a goal, a focus, I get depressed. I need ANYTHING to help in keeping my attention on the end goal. Whether that be a physical goal, emotional goal, a job goal, I thrive better when I have goals. My weight has been pretty consistent around 202-209 since last year and that really has got to stop. I feel like my life has almost gotten stagnant and I have lost that sense of wonder and adventure that I once had. Bitter and frustrated Cassy is no fun. I feel like my brain is in a foggy zone. So I am reaching out to my blog, to other people that may be suffering, feeling alone and directionless. Maybe we can latch on and swim to the island together! (I’ll share, promise).

moving forward

So I am starting with goals. Starting here with this poor neglected blog (don’t mind the cobwebs). I am going to write 3x a week. Whether people read it or not. Whether I get a standing ovation or just silence (no in between!). I need a place to get my feelings out and reflect.

Have the number on the scale go down. Goal is to get below 200 in 3 weeks.

Run 3x a week. I am doing the couch to 5K in hopes of doing a run by the end of October. Anyone else with me?! I could use a running buddy.

Be more optimistic and adventurous. Try a little harder not to think about all the negatives that can happen but see the positives.

I am ready to go the distance. Just like Hercules.

Though hopefully my monsters are more imaginary than real life.

My Legs be Jello — My Ode to Leg Day

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I dedicate this poem to all who have endured the pain known as LEG DAY.

 

Last night is the night most dreaded,

But the green lights seemed to know where I was headed,

With ease, I arrived, to discover in surprise,

That Leg Day was today — and my trainer meant it!

 

With 50 pound weights, I struggled,

To squat down lower, what a hassle!

If that wasn’t enough, he decided to go up,

To 70 pounds and 20 squats — oh, help!

 

But I did it, though my legs were shaking after four,

By ten, they were screaming no more!

Yet I pushed, and I groaned, and I made it through,

But that wasn’t close to the end, oh no!

 

He said it is time for leg presses!

Do not think for a second about resting.

I sighed and I pushed with all of my force,

’til I thought my knees would give up and die.

 

There was more after that, but it is starting to blur,

by that time walking was getting harder to endure,

We worked the inner and outer thighs until I wanted to cry,

and ended the night with 3 sets of jump squats — oh my!

 

The pain has not yet set in, but I am waiting,

By 5pm, I’ll be wishing,

That instead of Leg Day, I was home eating cake,

But hopefully in the end, it’ll be worth it!

legday

Oh Hi Thanksgiving Week…

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therighttimeLike I said this year has been crazy with change! With all the change, though, time has been seriously FLYING. In a blink of an eye, summer was gone. The next thing I know, there’s snow! Now in just a few days, everyone is going to be coming over to feast, laugh, and be thankful (at least, I hope they will be thankful). I definitely know how to pick a good week to restart blogging and getting into a more fit and active lifestyle. Why not pick one of the busiest times of the year?

The truth is when I first started on my weight loss journey was 2 weeks before Christmas, and I figured if I could hold to a healthy lifestyle during the holidays, I could do it anywhere/anytime. This year is a little bit different since the Holidays back in Maine we were just surrounded by friends while this year we will be surrounded by a lot of family. This is a whole new experience that I am really excited for since I never came from a big family. Normally it was just me and my parents once my brother and sister moved away. I feel like the holidays become even more magical the more people you are surrounded with (especially with kids around! I am so pumped for Christmas).

Even with all the temptations to be expected this week, my goal is to lose just 1 pound by Sunday. I am starting the week at 202 (cringe) and as much as I would love to get to 200 or lower, I definitely want to be realistic and not set myself up for disappointment. 1 pound is do-able.

Unfortunately, I only have one half hour session with my personal trainer the first half of this week instead of our normal two. I guess it’s only fair that he go home for the Holiday, I suppose! The good news is we are then having a work out session on Saturday so hopefully that will kick my butt in gear for Sunday’s weigh-in. I still plan on going to the gym Wednesday and Friday, though and definitely want to get as much pony time as I can this week! And hopefully with blogging, it will help keep me accountable.

What about you readers? Do you have any goals for this week? Or are you just hoping to make it through without consuming the entire pumpkin pie? Because, honestly, that’s a good one.

I will just leave this here...

I will just leave this here…

 

Weigh In late but not Forgotten

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Hey! I know this is a couple days late but I have been super busy with school projects due before Thanksgiving break, working out and helping my mom buy a new vehicle for the winter! I am so proud of her for listening to me. It was just very time consuming to spend all day at the car dealership on Saturday. I did manage to get my Jillian work out in before leaving though! And that made me feel super accomplished. 

This is going to be a short post for now because I really hate typing on the tablet!  So my weigh in on Friday was another success. I started at 183 at the beginning of the week and made it down to 181 by Friday for another 2 pound loss! Yay! I am on par for where I want to be. I am hoping to be at 180 by Thanksgiving morning. I plan on weighing myself Thursday morning instead of Friday because I know with Thanksgiving the night before my numbers won’t be so pretty the morning after. 

I am really proud of the work I did last week. I went to the gym twice and worked myself pretty hard. I also stuck with my Jillian work out three times and I am already noticing a huge improvement!

 

This week, despite the holiday, I still plan on hitting the gym three times on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and stick with the 30 day shred on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Definitely on Thursday. I do not know what my game plan for eating on Thanksgiving  is… I know I will not be really drinking if at all. I am going to be making a non-processed version of green bean casserole that will hopefully be yummy and low in sodium and calories! If it is a successful recipe, I will definitely be posting the recipe!

 

What are your goals for Thanksgiving?

I am not Perfect — And that is Okay

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I strive for perfection. A little pain stabs at my heart when I get a B instead of an A. When a person would tell me that it was “Good” instead of “Great.” I don’t know why I can’t be happy with just being in a happy medium but it drives me crazy. I want to be awesome… ALL the time, but do you know how exhausting that is? Pretty damn exhausting. And it does not leave me filling fulfilled and happy at all. I just move on to the next thing I need to be perfect at. This feeling also keeps me from trying new things. I am so afraid of being really crappy at something that I just won’t do it. I don’t know why I expect to be able to do something perfectly the first time, but I really lay the pressure on thick and then freeze up and just back up entirely. That is no way to live a life. It is okay to make mistakes, and I need to learn that is acceptable. I mean… I don’t expect perfection from other people, so why should I expect it for myself? 

Today, I am taking a rest day even though I wanted Monday to be my rest day. My muscles are still screaming from Tuesday’s Jillian work-out. Despite the aches, I still went to the gym last night and put in a 33 minute work out. My legs were okay while working out but afterwards, they were screaming. Going down the stairs was a very slow process. I then went to yoga to stretch it out and hopefully that would help a little more… and though I got some relief, I still woke up really stiff and achy today. Ugh. Doing Jillian’s work out today is just not in the cards. I would like to be able to go to classes tomorrow. Despite knowing this is what my body needs, I still feel that stab of disappointment. I want to be perfect. I want to do it all right the first time. Ugh. Not a fun feeling, but better to take it easy now than cause an injury and be out of commission for weeks instead of a day. I fully intend on horseback riding and hitting up the gym tomorrow and resuming my Jillian torture on Saturday. 

Image

 

Today is just one day in the large scheme of things. I am still eating healthy (had a delicious Strawberry Greek yogurt with Dark Chocolate Granola for Breakfast). I will just be taking it easy today so I can kick butt the rest of the week. I am not a failure because I am not perfect every day. That is just too much for a person to expect of themselves. It is okay to take a step back.

You are not perfect and neither am I.

And that is okay.