Accountability… What’s that?


I have to say back sliding is one of the hardest things to admit to. Excuses start with “I’m just retaining water,” or “I am a little stressed… it won’t take much to get back to where I was.” And those excuses keep coming until you can really rationalize that you have GAINED weight back. It’s there. It’s hanging on your hips, pulling down on your tummy, and making your belly shake and your butt jiggle. Your MyFitnessPal app still has you at your lowest weight and you feel ashamed to change it. It’s been almost a year since I have seen 185 on the scale. It’s time to face the music.Take the plunge. Start from Square 2 (not 1 at least!) and get back on track. This week, I admitted to myself and MyFitnessPal that I had officially gained 20 pounds in the past year. I can finally mark progress when I lose weight instead of seeing that daunting 185 and wondering when the heck I will ever see that number on the scale again.

onestepcloserLast weekend, I went away for my first business trip ever. It was terrifying at first to be pushed out of my comfort zone and go to a place where I did not truly know everyone. I love my coworkers and boss, but it is an entirely different element to hang out with them for 5 days straight in one of the craziest cities I have been to: Vegas. I would not trade that time for the world. My comfort zones were stretched in places they really needed to be and learn to just let go and live. The classes were inspiring and I walked away with information I could apply to my job but also my life. One of those lessons was about accountability. Finding out what your big picture goal is and then breaking it down by year, by month, by week, and by day. Every single day you should be doing something to achieve your goals. Whether it be a fitness goal, a business goal, a personal goal. Every day you have to dedicate some time to achieving something to improve yourself. If you find yourself thinking you are perfect, you have mostly just become complacent and forgotten how to dream. There is ALWAYS something you can be doing to become a better version of yourself. To help in achieving those goals, you have to become open with them. Tell people. Friends. Family. Someone who can help in achieving them. When you keep your goals bottled up, you never know who can help you and you also have no one keeping you accountable. No one helping you to strive to a better version of yourself.

I admit that in the past year I became complacent. I was just going through the motions. Work, watch TV, see my pony. livelifeinjoyThere wasn’t much in the “bettering me” department. I gained weight and got lazy despite going to the gym, I only did the bare minimum. This business trip was exactly what I needed to light a fire under my ass and find my passion. Find who I want to be inside. My goals for 2015 are starting to shape up! This is what I have so far:

1. Get to 165 pounds by the end of the year. I will be at 195 by the end of April and back to my original weight by the end of May.

2. Work out 3x a week at the gym. Horseback ride Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday.

3. Get the inside of the house painted by August. Dedicate one room per month.

4. Pay off ONE credit card by the end of December.

5. Go on 15 Hikes (all being 2+ miles long).

Those are my 5 main personal goals this year. I plan on blogging at least once a week to keep you all updated on my progress. Now what I want to know is…

What are your goals? What do you want out of 2015 for yourself? Let me know in the comment below and maybe we can help each other stay accountable.

Get Off Me, Woman; I Don’t Want Your Cookies

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It’s the most wonderful time of the year… with holiday baking, and more holiday baking, and possibly some cheer? *clink coffee mug* I fucking love Christmas. Like it’s a serious thing. I love looking at Christmas lights. I love getting together and watching Holiday movies (Home Alone? The Santa Clause? National Lampoons Christmas Vacation? Can I get a w00t woot?!) I even LOVE baking Christmas cookies to give away (my gingerbread are to die for — seriously). The thing is I am trying not to eat a Christmas cookie every damn day. I have a plan, and I am trying super hard to stick with it. Like seriously hard. Like when I walk in the kitchen and see the cookies, I twitch a little. And then there is my mom and sister…

272You see, we moved with my mom and sister. I gave them a choice and they decided to follow us across country. We told them they could stay with us and pay rent until they learned their way around (which hasn’t been going so great but that’s a WHOLE other can of worms). Anyway, they LOVE sweets. Seriously. That is all they eat. They are one of those “vegetarians” that just eat sweets and simple carbs. I know what you are saying… educate them, do stuff with them… I DO. It just doesn’t matter what I say or do. So they have been making cookies. And then trying to get me to eat them. I politely said no, I just did not have it in my plan that day…. but they asked like 10 times (not exaggerating) and kept being pushy. What does it take for them to respect me and my choices?

By the end of the day, I was pretty much as frustrated as Michael Scott once he learned Toby was back. Come on people. I do not want your cookies. I know they are delicious. I have had numerous amounts of cookies in my life (Hello, I weighed over 260 pounds and that did not happen from eating broccoli). The thing is I need to remove myself from sweets for awhile so I no longer crave them. That’s just how my brain works… once I am over the 2 week hump, I will be better. I will have more self control. Right now, one cookie = a dozen cookies and I just cannot do that anymore. I am flushing all my hard work at the gym down the toilet and it is feeling like I am being slapped by toilet water every time I do. This cycle must end.

So what are your thoughts about Holiday YumYums and Dealing with People who Just want you to eat the Damn Cookies?!

Oh Hi Thanksgiving Week…


therighttimeLike I said this year has been crazy with change! With all the change, though, time has been seriously FLYING. In a blink of an eye, summer was gone. The next thing I know, there’s snow! Now in just a few days, everyone is going to be coming over to feast, laugh, and be thankful (at least, I hope they will be thankful). I definitely know how to pick a good week to restart blogging and getting into a more fit and active lifestyle. Why not pick one of the busiest times of the year?

The truth is when I first started on my weight loss journey was 2 weeks before Christmas, and I figured if I could hold to a healthy lifestyle during the holidays, I could do it anywhere/anytime. This year is a little bit different since the Holidays back in Maine we were just surrounded by friends while this year we will be surrounded by a lot of family. This is a whole new experience that I am really excited for since I never came from a big family. Normally it was just me and my parents once my brother and sister moved away. I feel like the holidays become even more magical the more people you are surrounded with (especially with kids around! I am so pumped for Christmas).

Even with all the temptations to be expected this week, my goal is to lose just 1 pound by Sunday. I am starting the week at 202 (cringe) and as much as I would love to get to 200 or lower, I definitely want to be realistic and not set myself up for disappointment. 1 pound is do-able.

Unfortunately, I only have one half hour session with my personal trainer the first half of this week instead of our normal two. I guess it’s only fair that he go home for the Holiday, I suppose! The good news is we are then having a work out session on Saturday so hopefully that will kick my butt in gear for Sunday’s weigh-in. I still plan on going to the gym Wednesday and Friday, though and definitely want to get as much pony time as I can this week! And hopefully with blogging, it will help keep me accountable.

What about you readers? Do you have any goals for this week? Or are you just hoping to make it through without consuming the entire pumpkin pie? Because, honestly, that’s a good one.

I will just leave this here...

I will just leave this here…


Must Be The Start of a New Year…


My husband and I started the semester strong by going to the gym last night, and we were not the only ones. As the oddly warm wind of January brushed against our skin as we approached the Rec Center, my husband looks at me and asks what machine we will be using. Large windows show off the hard working bodies inside. I grimace slightly, “Whatever is open.” The inside is packed. The basketball courts are bursting with high energy athletes. The weight room is surrounded by old and new people. Most of the Cardio machines are taken, including every single treadmill. We were extremely lucky to find two elliptical open, not only that but they were side by side. The plan is to take it easy and ease us back into a routine. My husband has a tendency to over-do it since he will feel fine while doing it but then be extremely sore the next three days. The one work out ends up doing more bad than good. We set the elliptical for 20 minutes with a 5 minute cool-down. Respectable I think. I then look around at all the people surrounding us. A lot of them seem like new comers. Quite a few more overweight people which makes me smile. I am sure they made a resolution to get in shape and lose weight this year. I do feel a pang in my heart when I know in a couple weeks I probably won’t be seeing them anymore. No, nothing is going to happen to me… but it is something I have seen many times before. I see people start so strong, and then slowly the gym gets less and less busy. Soon I start seeing less overweight people at the gym, and more of the regulars that seem to eat, breathe, and sleep treadmills. 

I want to reach out to them. Tell them that it is easy right now but there will come a day when you will have a gym day planned and you won’t go. You will promise yourself tomorrow, but then something else will come up tomorrow… and next thing you know it has been a month since you have been to the gym. I know because I have been there. I have set out to do it but then months will pass since my last visit to the gym. Just last Fall semester I went for 2 weeks, and then I just stopped going until like November. No good. 



As much as I like when we go to the gym and we have a choice of which equipment we want to use, I hate seeing so many people pursue a life of fitness only to give it up a few weeks later. You have to get over the 2 week hurdle. It will become a little easier the third week. By the fourth week, you may even start feeling a little excitement when you know you can just sweat out all the day’s frustrations at the gym. Excuses can be made for anything. Excuses are so. fucking. easy. to. make. You will not be admired for your excuses. They will not bring you satisfaction. Actually doing it regardless of the excuses is what will make you strong. Just do it. Anything. Even if you only do a 10 minute work out. Do it. This is not just advice for you, but it is also a reminder for myself. If I plan on reaching my goal weight, I need to push myself as well.



Every day I plan on doing something. I have been working on my planking and have gotten up to holding it for 50 seconds though it is still a struggle. Monday was a success for going to the gym, and Wednesday will be too.

Don’t give up. The days you don’t want to go are the ones that count the most. You got this. I am cheering for you.

What to Expect this Week…


In a half hour, I pack up my backpack and head out into the world to start my Spring semester. This is going to be a little more busy and tougher than last semester but I am definitely looking forward to the challenge. The last week on break I was starting to get back into “healthy thinking,” and took a small break from my nemesis: sugar. Over the past month I had gotten into the habit of having some sort of dessert at the end of the day which usually set me back over 200 calories. I have to say going back to not having a cookie or something after dinner was a challenge! I was never hungry, but there would just be this nagging in the back of my mind. Yet I persevered! 

This week I am hoping to get into a habit of blogging again. I want to get more involved and post about 3x a week with a weigh-in post on Friday.

My goal this week revolves around fitness. I am hoping to start this semester off strong and go to the gym 4x a week: Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. The plan is to do cardio 3x a week and then Saturday morning the husband and I will be doing some weight training. 

Unfortunately this post needs to be cut short since I have to head out in the world! Hope everyone has a great Monday!

Anyone else have goals set for themselves this week?

Sheepish Hello…


I know I disappeared again… but I have some valid excuses! I swear. Only half of them revolve around laziness! Also I was pretty bad with the holidays. So many yummy goodies and I ate them all most of them! After Thanksgiving, I actually got food poisoning. That is not fun! And then after that I spent all my time finishing school projects, studying for finals, and baking a crap load of cookies. I send out cookies for my husband’s customers to enjoy over the holidays and as a thank you for their business. I feel like it is a nice personable gift because I put a lot of love in those suckers! Unfortunately, I also ate a few of them… and we also got a lot of goodies from friends and relatives. So those five pounds I loss in November, well I found them! 

This past week I have been getting back on track, though. Been putting everything into the wonderful MyFitnessPal and staying below my calories. My activity has been lacking, but that will be changing once I go back to school and can go back to the gym. Despite that, I have lost about 3 of those pounds I have gained over the Holidays so I am feeling pretty good about that!

2013 was a year of just taking in life, I guess. I definitely lived in the moment a lot which is not bad at all… I just never did it in the most healthy way possible. I did realize I could maintain my weight though which is a bonus but it was not the weight I wanted to maintain it at. 2014 is the year where that is going to change! So let me hop on the “Goals for 2014 Train” CHOO CHOO.

1. Get down to 160 by June.

I have 6 months to lose 23 pounds. Definitely do-able! I know once you start getting closer to your goal weight the harder it is to shed the weight. I am only looking at losing 4 pounds a month. I got this. I am going to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friends in August. I want to feel and look my best!

2. Not be so Attached to Technology

I hate the fact I spend so much time on my phone, computer, watching TV. I haven’t really read much this break and I hate it. I used to be able to read a book like it was nobody’s business… but now I am stuck in this cycle of watching TV, playing video games, repeat. I want to have more in-depth conversations with my husband. Discuss life a little more instead of just turning my brain to mush. Yucky mushy brain!

3. More Road Trips/More Adventures

One of my big goals this year: Get my passport. It is a shame to live so close to the Canada border and not being able to explore it! Definitely want to do this with my husband. We have traveled all over the state of Maine and are ready to broaden our horizons! I am really craving more adventure in my life. Traveling down to Pennsylvania for my friend’s wedding will definitely be a blast!

4. Stay Motivated in School

I started procrastinating last semester, but I do not want to get to the end of the semester again feeling overwhelmed. Going to stay on top of my studies!

Those are my main 4 goals. Lose weight, live life. I also need to look into volunteering and getting more involved in the world of Dietitians. I only have two more years left of my degree and then I need to make myself look good for an internship… which means recommendations! Already feeling the pressure.

So here is to a successful 2014!

A Call to the Creative Gods…


I miss dreaming.

Not like the every night close your eyes and drift off to random dream-land dreams. You know the ones you have when you really have to go to the bathroom but there are no doors on ANY of the bathroom stalls and for some reason, everyone is just hanging out in the bathroom. Why dreams? Why must you stress me out so? But I digress.

ImageI miss dreaming. I miss looking outside and thinking “I could do anything today,” and proceed to dream about going on an epic road trip, becoming best friends with the rich and famous, saving a young child in a middle-of-nowhere town in Montana and becoming a hero. One day I could be a pony, and the next I could be a famous Pokemon trainer. The possibilities were all there because I was not afraid to dream them. As I got older and the world became less magical but more responsible, I felt myself dreaming less and just doing what I needed to do to get by. Pay bills, get good grades, eat right, exercise… Daily conversations circled more around complaints and the bad things that encompass the world and less about dreaming, change, and wonder. Everything has just become so much real and fantasy/dreams have become very much fantasy and dreams. The pencil-thin line separating those two realms of my childhood have now turned into a grand canyon of a gap, and there is no bridge between the two. 

My dad was a dreamer, and he chased every single one of them… And he failed achieving them. But at least he failed trying to achieve them. Yet that fear of failing, of falling flat on my face and struggling to get back up, scares the crap out of me. It scares me so much that I am afraid of dreaming. I am afraid of latching onto an idea and just taking a leap of faith. I play it safe. I stay in when people invite me out because I am being realistic all the time instead of just enjoying the moment. I do not dream of all the foreign places I could go to because of the price tag that comes with such trips; I seriously start feeling a little stressed out thinking of spending that money even though it is all dream money. It is just a dream, and I won’t dream it because of the possibility of it actually coming true is slim to none. Why? Why do I feel guilty just for dreaming? For aspiring for greatness? 

I have no idea. Maybe because I think it is a slap to the face for what I already have? In many ways, I do have a dream life. I am married to the love of my life who makes me smile every day, I am pursuing a career that will help others in achieving their weight loss goals, I own a horse that is my partner and friend… I live a pretty comfortable life and in no way, do I feel like this life is not enough for me… because it totally is. But dreaming should not mean I am cheating on what I do have but instead is a form of creative hoping for the infinite possibilities. Like what would happen if a space ship came crashing down in our apartment right now? What would happen? Would my husband and I have to go on the adventure of a lifetime searching for a mystical part for their ship from a previous ship that had crashed on Earth millions of years ago and is somewhere buried in the sands of Egypt? 


The thing about dreaming is that it leaves this feeling of magic around me. Like this world is a magical place with so much wonder (which it totally is!) and I am the star of my own little show. I can stand out because I am a star and there is no limit to how much I can shine. I just need to stop being afraid of dreaming, of trying, of striving. 

It is the Holiday season. This is when Magic happens.