We Are All Just a Bunch of Walking Heads

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Meditation was very interesting to partake in. There actually was a lot of new students at the class so I wonder if this feeling of directionless and stress is going around. The one thing about meditation is trying to be more aware of how your body changes in response to your thoughts. Those feeling of anxiety and depression change the way you breathe, how your muscles tense, and many other things. Sometimes you just need to be an observer of what is happening to you instead of being so caught up in the brain and thoughts. This is something I really need to work on. My destructive emotions are unchecked and running amok. My biggest is being guilt and shame with a mix of depression. I do not feel like I do enough for people and I am always letting people down. I keep pushing myself to be better, to be perfect, and hold myself to these incredibly high standards that quickly come crashing down as soon as I mess up (which I am bound to do because hello, I am human). This goes the same with weight loss. I am either super strict or I am sabotaging myself. It is very hard for me to be in the middle which is something I really want to improve on.

Anyway it is Monday so that means weekly goals! Here we go:

  1. Weigh in on Friday. Be down to 204.
  2. Run 3x this week.
  3. Ride my horse 3x this week.
  4. Despite it being my birthday week, have sugary sweets in moderation.
  5. Keep the blogging up, yo!

That’s right. You heard it. My birthday falls on Labor Day this year so I get a 3-Day weekend in my honor. You’re welcome. I really have no plans in the works besides the Taylor Swift shin-dig on Sunday so if you have any ideas of fun birthday activities to do, let me know! It might include visiting a vineyard, going on a 40 mile bike ride, visiting a mountain town (though they are probably going to be packed for the weekend). I am kind of bummed I did not realize Frontier was having such AMAZING deals on travel. I would have booked a $20 ticket to Vegas. Ah well, maybe next year. I know I want a balance of exploring as well as relaxing as chilling. Which is a hard thing for me to do (again with the whole all or nothing balance thing). So give me your ideas.

What is your week looking like?

What is an emotion you want to focus on accepting and leaving your body?

How many licks does it take to get to a center of a tootsie pop? Curious minds want to know!

Meanwhile, stare at this picture. Doesn’t it just make you feel inspired? This is definitely one of my favorite places.

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Can You Wear a Cowgirl Hat to a Taylor Swift concert?

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Please help me settle this debate I have going on with my friend. Can you wear a Cowgirl Hat to a Taylor Swift concert? Because she’s yunno all pop now apparently, but she could still play songs from her country days? Maybe? Or I mean it is like paying tribute to her ol’ country days. Any reason to wear a country girl hat… WHY NOT. But she thinks we will look ridiculous (which I am okay with and may just still wear the hat anyway. I ride horses afterall!)

Also, wha-la! This is post number three of the week ladies and gentleman. GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE. I did it. They are random and completely off topic, but that is fine by me. Maybe other people out there would also love to have this Taylor Swift concert question answered. Maybe I am doing the world a favor for all the people who were just too afraid to ask. Honestly there is problem an answer somewhere on the internet but I don’t feel like googling it right now).

So I have been doing pretty good on my other goals. I think. Blogged 3 times and I have been running! I am averaging 6 miles a week but that is something! Progress from the negative miles to the couch I have been doing for a bit. Technically, just getting up off my butt was a huge success. If you have accomplished just the smallest of small goals this weekend, pat yourself on the back. YOU ROCK. Look at you go! Just the slightest change in the right direction, whether that means just eating 3 cookies instead of 5 for dinner for dessert, you are kicking ass.

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I even got out into the world and have been trying to become more social. Tomorrow, the hubs and I are trying out a meditation place. It is an introductory class to help clear the mind and center your emotions. Yes, please! I could use some clarity in the chaos that is the world. I am stumbling right now through some rough patches, but I know there is a smooth road ahead. You do notice my name is Journey to Awesomehood (well not my name, per say, but the blog’s). It was initially just supposed to be a weight loss blog to keep me focused, but this journey has become much more than that. It is now a voyage towards greatness by improving not only my health, body but also my mind. I feel like there is a better version of myself hidden beneath some emotional layers that need sorted out.

Also, you guys may not know this… but one of my life long dream has come TRUE. I got my corgi. I have been wanting one since I was a kid. I absolutely love the breed ever since I saw Cowboy Bebop. I knew one day they would be MINE.  Yes, they. Like all of them. That part of the dream hasn’t come true but I do have ONE. So that is a pretty good start. World, Meet Delphy! Delphy meet World!

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Tune in next week for more goals. More randomness. And more interestingness as I try to break down boundaries and explore my soul (and the world!)

Accountability… What’s that?

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I have to say back sliding is one of the hardest things to admit to. Excuses start with “I’m just retaining water,” or “I am a little stressed… it won’t take much to get back to where I was.” And those excuses keep coming until you can really rationalize that you have GAINED weight back. It’s there. It’s hanging on your hips, pulling down on your tummy, and making your belly shake and your butt jiggle. Your MyFitnessPal app still has you at your lowest weight and you feel ashamed to change it. It’s been almost a year since I have seen 185 on the scale. It’s time to face the music.Take the plunge. Start from Square 2 (not 1 at least!) and get back on track. This week, I admitted to myself and MyFitnessPal that I had officially gained 20 pounds in the past year. I can finally mark progress when I lose weight instead of seeing that daunting 185 and wondering when the heck I will ever see that number on the scale again.

onestepcloserLast weekend, I went away for my first business trip ever. It was terrifying at first to be pushed out of my comfort zone and go to a place where I did not truly know everyone. I love my coworkers and boss, but it is an entirely different element to hang out with them for 5 days straight in one of the craziest cities I have been to: Vegas. I would not trade that time for the world. My comfort zones were stretched in places they really needed to be and learn to just let go and live. The classes were inspiring and I walked away with information I could apply to my job but also my life. One of those lessons was about accountability. Finding out what your big picture goal is and then breaking it down by year, by month, by week, and by day. Every single day you should be doing something to achieve your goals. Whether it be a fitness goal, a business goal, a personal goal. Every day you have to dedicate some time to achieving something to improve yourself. If you find yourself thinking you are perfect, you have mostly just become complacent and forgotten how to dream. There is ALWAYS something you can be doing to become a better version of yourself. To help in achieving those goals, you have to become open with them. Tell people. Friends. Family. Someone who can help in achieving them. When you keep your goals bottled up, you never know who can help you and you also have no one keeping you accountable. No one helping you to strive to a better version of yourself.

I admit that in the past year I became complacent. I was just going through the motions. Work, watch TV, see my pony. livelifeinjoyThere wasn’t much in the “bettering me” department. I gained weight and got lazy despite going to the gym, I only did the bare minimum. This business trip was exactly what I needed to light a fire under my ass and find my passion. Find who I want to be inside. My goals for 2015 are starting to shape up! This is what I have so far:

1. Get to 165 pounds by the end of the year. I will be at 195 by the end of April and back to my original weight by the end of May.

2. Work out 3x a week at the gym. Horseback ride Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday.

3. Get the inside of the house painted by August. Dedicate one room per month.

4. Pay off ONE credit card by the end of December.

5. Go on 15 Hikes (all being 2+ miles long).

Those are my 5 main personal goals this year. I plan on blogging at least once a week to keep you all updated on my progress. Now what I want to know is…

What are your goals? What do you want out of 2015 for yourself? Let me know in the comment below and maybe we can help each other stay accountable.

Uh, Yo December Can You Please Slow Down?

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December is FLYING. What is this? Only a week and a half until Christmas and I feel totally and absolutely unprepared. Normally by now I would have most of my baking done, gifts bought, cards sent, the whole sha-bang. I don’t even have the tree decorated! I definitely wish I could take a pause button so I can spend some time just getting crap taken care of… this working full time business, riding my horse, and working out 3x a week really takes chunks out of my schedule. I feel like since moving to Colorado I have been on permanent flash forward without being able to take a second to just enjoy everything. I feel like once I am fully decorated for Christmas, it will be long gone. :/ Any tips or tricks to get organized? I am looking at you!

In other words, getting back on the wagon has been progressing. I do admit I FAILED ABSOLUTELY MISERABLY over Thanksgiving (-cough7poundweightgainandwaterweightwhoocough-) but I quickly pulled in the reins and am settling down into a nice rhythm which I had definitely missed over the past year. We are making more meals at home, concentrating on having left overs, and discussing more openly about our goals and staying healthy.

 

One of the things I have been absolutely loving are turkey, hummus and avocado wraps that I can take into work. They are absolutely divine! I did not imagine liking something so much that is so simple.

So simple, so easy, so yum!

So simple, so easy, so yum!

 

All you need? Sliced Turkey Breast, Whatever Type of Hummus you want thinly spread on, and 1/2 an avocado. Enjoy this low calorie deliciousness lunch!

Get Off Me, Woman; I Don’t Want Your Cookies

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It’s the most wonderful time of the year… with holiday baking, and more holiday baking, and possibly some cheer? *clink coffee mug* I fucking love Christmas. Like it’s a serious thing. I love looking at Christmas lights. I love getting together and watching Holiday movies (Home Alone? The Santa Clause? National Lampoons Christmas Vacation? Can I get a w00t woot?!) I even LOVE baking Christmas cookies to give away (my gingerbread are to die for — seriously). The thing is I am trying not to eat a Christmas cookie every damn day. I have a plan, and I am trying super hard to stick with it. Like seriously hard. Like when I walk in the kitchen and see the cookies, I twitch a little. And then there is my mom and sister…

272You see, we moved with my mom and sister. I gave them a choice and they decided to follow us across country. We told them they could stay with us and pay rent until they learned their way around (which hasn’t been going so great but that’s a WHOLE other can of worms). Anyway, they LOVE sweets. Seriously. That is all they eat. They are one of those “vegetarians” that just eat sweets and simple carbs. I know what you are saying… educate them, do stuff with them… I DO. It just doesn’t matter what I say or do. So they have been making cookies. And then trying to get me to eat them. I politely said no, I just did not have it in my plan that day…. but they asked like 10 times (not exaggerating) and kept being pushy. What does it take for them to respect me and my choices?

By the end of the day, I was pretty much as frustrated as Michael Scott once he learned Toby was back. Come on people. I do not want your cookies. I know they are delicious. I have had numerous amounts of cookies in my life (Hello, I weighed over 260 pounds and that did not happen from eating broccoli). The thing is I need to remove myself from sweets for awhile so I no longer crave them. That’s just how my brain works… once I am over the 2 week hump, I will be better. I will have more self control. Right now, one cookie = a dozen cookies and I just cannot do that anymore. I am flushing all my hard work at the gym down the toilet and it is feeling like I am being slapped by toilet water every time I do. This cycle must end.

So what are your thoughts about Holiday YumYums and Dealing with People who Just want you to eat the Damn Cookies?!

Learning A Lot About Change…

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I am a scheduler. I like to have structure and know exactly what I am going to do in a day. I loved being a student and knowing I had the flexibility to just go home to have a healthy lunch. Moving to Colorado has been wonderful but it has also been a HUGE change. Being near such wonderful family has kept our social calendar pretty full (and food temptations high). I have surpassed the 200 pound mark again, and I am finding it very hard to get back down below it… and I desperately want to get back to where I was before. I have been busting my ass in the gym at least 3x a week, plus I have been riding my horse. The only thing holding me back is what I have been eating, and how  much of it I have been eating.

 

Thanksgiving week I did not hold up to my goal. I drank wine. I was merry and happy and enjoyed every minute of it. I only ate one piece of pie… but gosh darn if those mashed potatoes aren’t delectable? So yes, I need to get my eating under control. My diet is the only thing holding me back. When I first started losing weight, I wasn’t very social for the first 2-3 months because I absolutely knew I could not handle temptations. I also had the flexibility of being at home more and preparing healthy meals. Now I work a full time job, see my horse pretty much every day, go to the gym 3x a week at night, and pretty much have pretty full weekends. What do you guys do to stay healthy on the go? I am starting to brain storm a lot of healthy crock pot ideas since I think that will be easier with our schedule. I would love to hear if you have any favorites.

In other news, I dyed my hair… RED. I have never done anything this drastic before but I really love it.

Omgosh I still can't get over it.

Omgosh I still can’t get over it.

 

Change is a good thing, but it definitely takes some planning when trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Goals This Week:

1. Track all I eat

2. Go a work out class at the gym besides just my personal training. Might be cool to try something new!

3. Do not eat out for any meals.

 

Lets make this week rock, shall we?

My Legs be Jello — My Ode to Leg Day

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I dedicate this poem to all who have endured the pain known as LEG DAY.

 

Last night is the night most dreaded,

But the green lights seemed to know where I was headed,

With ease, I arrived, to discover in surprise,

That Leg Day was today — and my trainer meant it!

 

With 50 pound weights, I struggled,

To squat down lower, what a hassle!

If that wasn’t enough, he decided to go up,

To 70 pounds and 20 squats — oh, help!

 

But I did it, though my legs were shaking after four,

By ten, they were screaming no more!

Yet I pushed, and I groaned, and I made it through,

But that wasn’t close to the end, oh no!

 

He said it is time for leg presses!

Do not think for a second about resting.

I sighed and I pushed with all of my force,

’til I thought my knees would give up and die.

 

There was more after that, but it is starting to blur,

by that time walking was getting harder to endure,

We worked the inner and outer thighs until I wanted to cry,

and ended the night with 3 sets of jump squats — oh my!

 

The pain has not yet set in, but I am waiting,

By 5pm, I’ll be wishing,

That instead of Leg Day, I was home eating cake,

But hopefully in the end, it’ll be worth it!

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